When “the smartest guy” Nick knows, Dirk, arrived as a house guest on Tuesday's "New Girl," the roommates weren't the only ones who benefited from Dirk's "wisdom."

For example, when Dirk hit on CeCe, she admitted that she’s seeing someone - and that she’s the boss. Dirk then called the guy she’s dating her “sex-cretary." New vocab for us!

Except Schmidt didn’t like that nickname very much, and then didn't want to have sex with CeCe. He even told her boobs, “Harold and Kumar," that he’s sorry because they’re not going to White Castle. CeCe was up to do anything, anywhere to seduce him, and they wound up in Schmidt’s “fantasy location No. 3.”

FULL POST

Schmidt is a special breed of man.

For example, the things that set Schmidt off: When Non-Tahitian vanilla is in the same vicinity as his Tahitian vanilla; the ocean (aka a “giant fish toilet”); when Nick calls a panini a hot sandwich; going into the ocean without his aqua socks; and all things junky and disorganized.

So he naturally freaked out when Jess brought home some furniture she got off the street. (It made him "emotionally nauseous.")

FULL POST

First things first: Spoiler alert!

There was a death on Tuesday's episode of "New Girl." But on a less morbid note, before the death there were plenty of funny moments.

After Jess injured Nick when she tackled him during a game of touch football (yes, Nick should be ashamed), she took him to see her friend, who's a doctor. Her doctor friend isn’t a gynecologist…she’s an OB-GYN, and according to Jess those aren’t the same thing.

FULL POST

Schmidt was easily the star player in "New Girl" this week, but let's save his best lines for last and focus on the mess that was Nick.

Julia sent him a cactus while she was on a business trip, and to him, that meant she planned on breaking up with him. Of course. Because that's what a cactus always means.

Clearly, I was trying to understand where he was coming from with that, and wasn't quite getting it.

FULL POST

Valentine’s Day didn’t turn out quite the way the "New Girl" roommates planned.

Nick and Julia hoped to go all out for Valentine’s Day, and Winston thought he was going to have a relaxed night with his lady friend.

Jess was feeling “twirly” (her adorkable word for in the mood), so for Valentine’s Day, it was all about what “little Jess” wanted: A one-night stand.

FULL POST