Secrets and gambits on 'The Bachelorette'
June 26th, 2012
11:53 AM ET

Secrets and gambits on 'The Bachelorette'

Monday night's episode of "The Bachelorette" took us to the Czech city of Prague, because that's what single American mothers do during their free time - travel to Eastern Europe. (Prague reminded Emily of the "olden days" - who knew she was a big fan of the Soviet bloc?)

This week, the six remaining contestants faced a group date and a trio of one-on-one dates. A rose was only up for grabs on the group date, and the men also had to deal with a hotel suite that looked like a furniture showroom.

The first individual date went to Arie, who tried to look smart by wearing a jacket with patches on its elbows. Someone should really remind Arie that those jackets only work for educators and those who pretend to be educators, like Homer Simpson.

The date was nothing more than a walk around Prague, but Emily was upset. She said Arie had a secret, and that the show ordered him not to say anything he wouldn't tell her squat. Only one person could make lemonade out of those lemons, and that was Chris Harrison.

Chris, speaking from outside of the "Bachelor Pad," announced that thanks to the many rumors spreading around about Arie, he had to speak out to set the record straight.

So, for the record, Arie had a relationship with a "Bachelorette" producer named Cassie Lambert years before the race car driver met Emily. We then watched a brief segment where Cassie told Emily about the relationship, with Emily wondering why no one, particularly Arie, told her about this.

After an awkward lunch date where "no secrets" Arie revealed a secret that had nothing to do with the producer, we went back to the "Bachelor Pad."

Chris, who kept emphasizing that Arie and Cassie dated a long time ago, explained that Arie, Cassie and Emily had an off-camera chat, where they kissed and made up. This led to Emily and Arie's dinner in Prague, where both apologized to each other and chose to live happily ever after.

To say these segments were awful would be the understatement of the decade. If only Chris had thought to re-enact the "off-camera chat" with sock puppets and booze.

The second individual date went to John, who I'm still not calling "Wolf." Like Arie's date, John and Emily walked around Prague, this time painting a wall and placing a lock on a fence. And you thought watching paint dry was entertaining! Nevertheless, John declared the date a success.

Back at the suite, "Bobblehead" Chris was upset. He was headed on another group date but hadn't been on a one-on-one since his time in Charlotte. He was also sick and tired of hearing the guys talk about Emily's dates, so he responded by leaving the room. How about changing the subject once in a while?

While Chris was sulking, Sean the insurance agent, who was also on the group date, came up with a plan. He left the hotel and ran around Prague screaming Emily's name - like "The Graduate," only 200 times lamer. And why does Prague look like a ghost town? Better to clear the streets than have the locals point and laugh at Sean, I guess.

When he found Emily, Sean told her that he won't get in trouble for that because "no knows about it." He mentioned this with a camera crew trailing him, proving to me that he and Emily may be a perfect match, as they appear to have the combined IQ of a tree stump.

At the group date, Emily promptly gave Doug the real estate agent the boot for not moving fast enough as well as not "fighting" for her. If Emily wanted cage death matches to decide her one true love, she should have said that in the premiere.

Doug's elimination meant that Chris and Sean were left to battle for the rose. Emily chose Sean, saying she'd really like to meet his family. This irked Chris to no end, and Emily reminded him not to take it personally.

Jef with one "f" had the final individual date, and he and Emily opted to have the nerdiest date in show history, hanging out in a marionette shop and the library, where they re-enacted their adventures with marionettes. The highlight of the date was Jef admitting to having an Afro hairstyle back in the day.

On the night of the rose ceremony, Emily was so confident on who she was going to eliminate that she put a kibosh on the cocktail party. That upset Chris, who really needed to talk to Emily.  He didn't appear that desperate, as he allowed Emily to give Arie and Jef roses before making his request.

During the chat, Chris apologized for acting "like a boy" during the group date, saying he's ready to be the person that Emily and her daughter deserve. Emily liked what she heard and kept him around for another week, meaning John went home empty-handed.

Next week is all about the hometown dates, as Emily visits the families of the four remaining competitors.

What did you think of last night's "Bachelorette" episode?

soundoff (15 Responses)
  1. Michael Calaizzo

    Waen Buffet is a Fat Pig!

    June 28, 2012 at 3:31 pm | Report abuse |
  2. Maria Lawler

    She has everyone fooled! She ends up with Chris Harris, watch and see!

    June 28, 2012 at 9:52 am | Report abuse |
  3. Kat

    Loved it! My vote is for Sean–they just go together –in many ways.

    June 27, 2012 at 11:34 pm | Report abuse |
  4. Sokman

    If this woman really cares about her child shouldn't she be home playing mom? And how do you explain all this to a child? This is your new daddy, he won the raffle. Pathetic

    June 26, 2012 at 11:43 pm | Report abuse |
  5. peg & gary

    we watch it ever monday nite i just love the show so good luck men

    June 26, 2012 at 8:26 pm | Report abuse |
  6. kmtb

    Editing: what ever happened about her saying 'who else in there is not all about me?"...???Sean and Ari last men standing.Chris is 'going crazy' ,like Dr Phil says: when someone tells you who they are, LISTEN!!!

    June 26, 2012 at 3:42 pm | Report abuse |
  7. Marti

    Cali Cutie ... in Texas during 103-106 degree weather, we stay in and watch TV. It is the smart thing to do.

    June 26, 2012 at 1:59 pm | Report abuse |
  8. Marti

    Emily is going to select Sean or Ari. They will probably be the last 2.

    June 26, 2012 at 1:57 pm | Report abuse |
  9. mrskool

    I heard shes in it for the money so she will probably pick Jef the rich entrepreneur to support her and little Rickey.

    June 26, 2012 at 12:56 pm | Report abuse |
    • Marti Middleton

      Once she figures out that Jef is a Mormon, she might not select him. Unless she is a Mormon. I don't know if religion plays into how she selects her fiance, but I hope someone explains it all to her. (Nothing against Mormons ... I am just saying that unless she is a Mormon also, she might not want to marry into a Mormon family.)

      June 26, 2012 at 1:54 pm | Report abuse |
  10. moon627

    It was way past time for "Clueless Doug" to go even if he was the last to know it.

    And I'm pretty sure Emily had already decided to boot John "Wolf" (where did that come from ? his hair back ?)

    ... so bobblehead Chris was freaking out for nothing when he thought it was him going home – i doubt if his last minute talk with her made any difference.

    Unless Chris suddenly matures for next weeks hometown dates, i think he will be going next because she really has "the hots" for both Ari and Sean (what was she doing out on the deserted streets of Prague when Sean went looking for her that night ?).

    She likes making out with Ari the most but i think Sean would be the better husband and father to her daughter.

    June 26, 2012 at 12:51 pm | Report abuse |
  11. Cali Cutie

    Secret = desperate people willing to ridicule themselves for a piece of azz.

    June 26, 2012 at 12:40 pm | Report abuse |

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