Of Muppets and men on 'The Bachelorette'
May 22nd, 2012
12:01 PM ET

Of Muppets and men on 'The Bachelorette'

Monday's "Bachelorette" began in the dullest way possible with a news report about "The Bachelorette" filming in Charlotte.

And since that had to be the most boring opening in "Bachelorette" history, the show tried again, this time with Emily and her daughter getting together with friends and family at the park.

I get more thrills watching grass grow, so maybe the third time was supposed to be the charm as cameras headed to the mansion to show Chris Harrison corral the 19 remaining contestants for a chat.

There were two individual dates and one group date this week, and the first date card went to ex-football player Ryan, with the clue that he was going to be "king of the Queen City." That concerned me somewhat, as I'm imagining Ryan and Emily staging a bloodless coup of Charlotte. Will someone please think of the barbecue?

Ryan figured he and Emily were going to do "something special" on their date, and he was right. Emily's the "snack mom" for her daughter's soccer practice, so Ryan headed to Emily's house to bring in the groceries and bake chocolate chip cookies for daughter Ricki's team.

I'll give the show some credit here - this date is different and a nice change of pace from the helicopters, bungee jumps and cliff diving we usually see. If you have a single parent as the title character, show them and the contestants acting like parents.

Back at the mansion, the men were enjoying an annoying show tradition - the swimming pool. Can't they have a Wii to play with? The men complimented Emily for looking good in "regular" clothes.  If she were wearing irregular clothes, I'd be concerned - three-sleeved tops are definitely a "turn-off."

But back to the date: When Emily and Ryan showed up at soccer practice, Emily dropped off the snacks while Ryan stayed in the car to drink his juice box (yes, a juice box).

It should be noted that both Chris Harrison and Emily have emphasized several times that Emily's daughter would not interact with the contestants during filming, and that Ricki has not been told the real reason why her mother is being followed by cameras.

Later that day, Ryan and Emily dressed to the nines - although Ryan looked like he made it to the sevens - for a night out in Charlotte. This apparently involved walking the red carpet, surrounded by hundreds of "fans" cheering and snapping pictures (guess Wal-Mart was closed) for dinner at one of Charlotte's fanciest restaurants.

During dinner, Emily wondered if Ryan's "too perfect," just like Brad Womack. That may be the first time the terms "Brad Womack" and "too perfect" have been mentioned in the same sentence. Nevertheless, Ryan got a rose.

The group date was next, with 13 contestants ready to help Emily put on a variety show for a charity. And who better to help put on the show but some Muppets? (This may be their most embarrassing performance since "Muppets from Space.")

We see two of the  men doing stand-up comedy with Fozzie Bear, and their jokes are so bad they make Fozzie look like Jerry Seinfeld. A few others did a dance routine with Miss Piggy, while all of the contestants got on stage at the end to sing "Rainbow Connection" with Kermit.

Even Chris Harrison got into the act, joining Statler in the heckler section (Waldorf called in sick). Glad to know Chris has something to fall back on if this hosting thing doesn't work.

We then headed to the post-show party, where Emily had to give a rose to one of the 13 men. That led to the second week of trash-talking between MC Stevie and Kalon the helicopter hooligan. Stevie told Kalon that he doesn't like him, with Kalon responding that he wouldn't like himself if he were Stevie. Incredibly deep.

I can't blame Stevie for not caring for Kalon - his name sounds like he should be teaming with Skeletor to take on He-Man.

After all that concluded, Emily gave the rose to Jef with one "f".  Now that he's safe for another week, perhaps he can go back to searching for that other "f".

Joe, the field energy adviser who performed an ill-advised "potty dance" last week, landed the second individual date, and he and Emily went to West Virginia to check out The Greenbriar, the fanciest hotel this side of "fancy town."

Of course, given this is "The Bachelorette," it was also a good time for Emily and Joe to strip down to their skivvies and jump into the pool.

Later that night, Emily did her best Scarlett O'Hara impression by walking down a classy staircase in a long evening gown. Joe, on the other hand, looked like the guy who sold me the sedan with the non-working odometer when I was in college.

The two had dinner, where they got all philosophical about where Joe sees himself in five years. Joe gave an answer that confused Emily, who responded with a question. Joe responded to that with a question of his own, a classic no-no when it comes to spousal conversation.

Emily opted to give Joe the boot, saying he was a good guy but he wasn't on the same page as her. (I actually place the blame on the mullet-in-training I noticed on the back of Joe's head.)

Joe didn't even get a chance to finish dinner before he left - Emily should have at least given him a chance to eat his roll.

While this was going on, Kalon told several of the single fathers that they made the decision to "put fatherhood on hold" to do the show. It took us just two episodes, but we finally have our villain in Kalon. It's unfortunate that he doesn't look the part of a "Bachelorette" villain - with the sunglasses, blah hair and pasty body, Kalon looks like Hunter S. Thompson after a morning bender.

At the rose ceremony, Emily said farewell to Aaron the biology teacher and Kyle the financial adviser. Admittedly, I forgot that Kyle was still on the show. When that happens, chances are your odds of winning is between slim and none, and slim left town.

Next week, Dolly Parton shows up, ropes are climbed and plaid is worn.

What did you think of last night's "Bachelorette" episode?

soundoff (16 Responses)
  1. Tina

    Does this season beat Ashley's season as worst season ever yet.? Every year there are folks complaining show is unwatchable! EVERY YEAR!

    May 28, 2012 at 6:31 am | Report abuse |
  2. mellowseven

    Since when did the Bachelorette become the most boring show on TV? The variety show made me cringe with embarrassment for the participants, and become very, very sympathetic toward the audience who must've been bored out of their skulls - the ones still awake, anyway. Mom and daughter have the combined personality of an ant. (I hate to involve the daughter, but it's the mother, Emily, who's thrust the kid into my living room–so, no kid gloves.) I'd rather they only have single contestants who DON'T have offspring–OK? And with all Emily's talk about her daughter, Ricki, and how Emily doesn't want her involved in the show - Why is Ricki constantly involved in the show? Do they think the kid is stupid, that she doesn't have a clue what's going on? The whole city of Charlotte is zip-lipped about it? The kid doesn't attend school? Neighbors? She quarantined until Mommy's dating bubble produces a diamond ring? Why does Mommy have to keep disappearing? And when she disappears, will she come back with a man, like she did last time, what was his name? Uncle Brad? A soccer mom actually watches the game. A guilt-ridden mom only drops off snacks. Seriously, this show is the boring tar pits of La Brea. Where are the dates? Where is the banter? Where are any conversations worth a salt? I've never been subjected to such vacuous blather. I finally walked away from it when my eyes could roll no further into the back of my head. Count me out next Monday. From what I've seen, it promises to be another stinker. Seriously?

    May 24, 2012 at 11:24 am | Report abuse |
  3. Skidmark

    hey donna eat a fat dk you rambling aZ fat btch

    May 23, 2012 at 12:33 am | Report abuse |
    • Donna H.

      Well, obviously, since your name is Skidmark, someone must've run over you too many times! I bet it was a hit-and-run, as you are very rude. All I was doing was expressing an opinion about the show, as other people have in this "opinion" blog! Duh! Frankly, you make me want to puke, so I guess I won't be "fat" anymore! Since you called me a female dog, that's fine, too, because I love dogs and am an animal advocate, though you're excluded from my advocacy. You are a disgusting person! Sticks and stones...

      May 23, 2012 at 5:42 am | Report abuse |
    • Lindsay L.

      Geez, Skidmark, or should I say, Skudmark?! Considering your profanity and rudeness, I didn't know whether to reply or report abuse! I've chosen the former, frankly because it's a heck of a lot more fun to virtually wash someone's mouth out with soap! You are just one of those people whose parents either didn't teach you some simple manners or who has gone through so many things that you feel you must target others who you don't even know to release your problems on (calling someone fat and telling them to go eat a...). That is just not right! Plus, you didn't even comment about the theme of this blog...Emily on "The Bachelorette", and you didn't say why you thought Donna H. was rambling. So, what are your damages? Do you just go around and do this to be the official blog bully? And, if you have no issues, then I guess we've found Miss Piggy's perfect match!

      May 23, 2012 at 8:47 am | Report abuse |
  4. Lindsay L.

    Like most of the commenters on this blog, I TOTALLY agree that this season of "The Bachelorette" is a complete and utter joke! I mean, if Emily is such a "great" mom and all, why would she continue to put herself (and Ricki) in the public spotlight and bring in these guys who are clearly just there for the propaganda (Kalon/Stevie)? Seriously? Neither Emily nor Ricki have much personality anyway! If she is so protective of her daughter, she should not have gone on "The Bachelor" let alone this new season of "The Bachelorette"! Plus, it seems that this time around, the producers are REALLY trying to use any dumb ideas they can to change things up. That stupid egg stunt on the first episode made me want to scramble the show! And, the Muppet performance reminded me of something kids would act out in elementary school! PLEASE! Perhaps, somebody could take Miss Piggy and that ostrich egg and make some bacon and eggs for breakfast? Just saying.

    May 22, 2012 at 10:33 pm | Report abuse |
  5. Donna H.

    If you look up the word "boring" in the dictionary, there will be a picture of Emily next to it. First, I don't understand how as a single mom she can have such a huge house with all the upgrades, as well as a nice car. Oh wait, looks like her family must have been loaded, as she mentioned that as a child, her and her family went to this fancy resort/spa all of the time. REALLY? Sure, she was heart-broken when her fiancee was killed, and she was left alone at a young age and pregnant (not such a pure Southern belle, is she?), and she is some sort of event planner? Obviously, she didn't go to college, or if she did, I'm sure she had a lot of help taking care of her daughter, as she still does now. She makes it sound like such a sob story, but frankly, there's more to her than meets the eye, I'm sure. Plus, who would take a guy you don't even know to your house (where you live with your precious daughter)? These guys only want her because of her looks, and I seriously doubt if there is one who is truly there for the right reasons. Looking back at the past shows, there are only a handful of these couples who have succeeded in their relationships once the cameras stop rolling. Oh sure, I'll keep watching (just to poke fun basically), but after this, I am done with The Bachelor/Bachelorette. The Muppets...really? That whole production was so ridiculous and Rikki wasn't even singing, does the kid even have a vocabulary? Oh yes, it was all for a charity and everyone LOVES Emily, right? PLEASE wake me from this nightmare! Maybe they need the smoke monster from "Lost" to make an appearance to jazz it up a bit!

    May 22, 2012 at 10:06 pm | Report abuse |
  6. Pat

    Emily is so boring! Her whole life revoles around her daughter. Emily has no hobbies nor interests of her own. If she weren't so beautiful, those guys around her would run for the hills or risk being bored to death! This must be the most boring season of Bachelorette yet. I find myself dozing off during the show. I don't plan on watching anymore.

    May 22, 2012 at 5:36 pm | Report abuse |
  7. Reina

    The show is trying to give a different perspetive(someone who has been in the show before) knows that this is not only for TV . I can tell she is truly looking for LOVE. Things you do on a regular day(like she said) it's not going to be so glamorous. We need to live the reality and this is a reality show. I am happy the way she is doing things! 🙂 I hope Emily finds TRUE love!

    May 22, 2012 at 3:50 pm | Report abuse |
  8. Cara

    In addition to twirling her hair she constantly says "I know, right?" when she agrees with what the guy is saying. She seems like a nice enough person but she is boring and her manner of speaking and inability to lead a discussion make her look like an airhead and that's just what guys want - an airhead trophy wife. Please. Women can be gorgeous AND smart; if a man can't handle a woman who is both, well then, he's not a man.

    I did have to laugh that she pulled a typical guy move: giving the guys a line. I counted at least two guys she told "I was looking for you, what happened to you? Where were you?" and they totally ate it up.

    People - please learn that when you are on the show, you won't have a "special connection" the first few rounds. And to say you are "heartbroken" and "devastated" after 2 rounds or even 2?! I'm also not sure why the Bachelor or Bachelorette eliminate people that don't answer the "where do yourself in 5 years" question with "married to you." You just MET. How is the contestant supposed to know that he/she will be with you? It takes more than physical attraction to make a relationship. You might be physically attracted to someone but realize a month down the road it's just not meant to be.

    May 22, 2012 at 1:58 pm | Report abuse |
  9. Michael Calaizzo

    the Muppets inspired me to be the best of the best!

    May 22, 2012 at 1:58 pm | Report abuse |
  10. sharon linley

    Boring...boring..boring! Really producers! I changed channels last night – Kermit??? This has turned into a want to prove to someone she's a decent mom show. Just go ahead & end the season now or I doubt there will be another season due to ratings. And the show used to be good!

    May 22, 2012 at 12:59 pm | Report abuse |
  11. JoAnn

    Most boring show that I have seen in the last year. The show is really about Emily and her daughter. Maybe that is why she and Brad could not make it, she is boring and too sweet. Watch out for the sweet ones. Have to see what I will start watching on monday nights, not the bacherlorette.

    May 22, 2012 at 12:48 pm | Report abuse |
  12. Brenda

    OK, so this is a superficial show to begin with . . . but this season gives us the most superficiality . . . and is boring to boot. Can these men bring anything to the table other than telling Emily how beautiful she is? She quite obviously knows that. And, someone who is directing this, please tell her to stop playing with her hair and elevate her questions and comments. She will lose the whole audience before this is over!

    May 22, 2012 at 12:37 pm | Report abuse |
  13. Kris

    I have followed "every" season for both programs – total fan!
    But...this year...I am napping DURING during this show....its boring – no real action
    Having been a single Mom...we can have fun!
    Emily may be a southern belle....but let lose or lose the audience

    May 22, 2012 at 12:31 pm | Report abuse |

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