'The Roast of Charlie Sheen': A preview
September 12th, 2011
05:32 PM ET

'The Roast of Charlie Sheen': A preview

Comedy Central’s much-hyped “Roast of Charlie Sheen” was bound to get nasty, what with the actor's wild warlock hijinks of the past year as joke fodder.

The show was taped Saturday, but the full special won't air until next Monday. Luckily, outlets like Entertainment Weekly and The Los Angeles Times were there to cover the event. And so we present to you some of the top takedowns of the evening. Well, the more tame takedowns, anyway. We can’t repeat many of the insults from the show, but trust us, they’re bad.

Host Seth MacFarlane had more than a few zingers up his sleeve.

“Charlie, you claim to have ‘tiger blood,’ but after all the porn stars you’ve [slept with], it’s probably Tiger Woods’ blood.”

MacFarlane continued, "’On 'Two And A Half Men' tonight, they're apparently having a funeral for Charlie's character. But there's no need to switch over; in two months, you can probably see the real thing."

Comedian Jeffery Ross attacked an innocent '90s movie franchise: "You're the black sheep of a family that produced three 'Mighty Ducks' movies." Ross, who traveled with Sheen for part of his live tour, told People before the roast, “He puts the 'harming' in 'charming.'"

Seasoned comedian Jon Lovitz joked, "How much blow can Charlie Sheen do? Enough to kill 'Two and a Half Men.”

“Jackass” star Steve-O, who intentionally broke his nose on fellow roaster Mike Tyson’s fist, was handing out insults despite his injury: “Charlie still hasn't hit rock bottom. He's looking forward to it, though, because he thinks there's a rock there."

The most surprising roast participant was perhaps “Private Practice” star Kate Walsh, who quipped, "Charlie is an amazing medical specimen. I guess that's what comes from waking up at the crack of crack."

Charlie, for his part, reportedly smiled through the roast. He told CNN before he went in that he was feeling good, and wasn't worried at all about what jokes the roasters would break out. "Nothing's off limits," he said.

"Once again I have come out unscathed," Sheen declared afterwards, according to EW. And as is tradition, he got to get in some jokes of his own at the end.

Touching his chest, he quipped, "Here beats an eternal flame. I just need to keep it away from a crack pipe."

Sheen, 46, went on to claim that he's “done with ‘the winning,’ because I’ve already won.”

To hear the more extreme jokes, catch the full roast on Monday, September 19 at 10/9c on Comedy Central. Remember, that’s the same night as the season premiere of "Two And A Half Men"!

soundoff (47 Responses)
  1. easy dinner solutions

    Hello there, I found your site via Google even as looking for a related topic, your site got here up, it appears to be like great. I've added to my favourites|added to bookmarks.

    May 26, 2012 at 6:33 am | Report abuse |
  2. Two Bits

    I got Charlie in the next death pool. I'm a shoe in!

    September 13, 2011 at 1:13 pm | Report abuse |
  3. Tony

    I'm looking forward to the new show, but it's bittersweet. I watch the reruns and Charlie is so good. I will always hate that he shot himself in the foot. That show could have gone several more years with him.

    September 13, 2011 at 1:11 pm | Report abuse |

    @Just state the obvious..

    Do you really think Charlie Sheen gives a flip that he has you in his corner defending him? Talk about a boring life. (*rolls eyes*) Now respond to this and prove that you have nothing better to do.

    September 13, 2011 at 12:47 pm | Report abuse |
  5. CrackisWhack

    Charlie Charlie Charlie...my friend in crime and drugs....god bless you..BooYah..crack rawks!

    September 13, 2011 at 12:38 pm | Report abuse |
  6. Elly

    Love Charlie Sheen, i am looking forward to watch this roast and his next projects..love you Charlie !!

    September 13, 2011 at 11:49 am | Report abuse |
  7. Roland

    Probably Mr Sheen should try comedy directing and hollywood or WB franchise.

    September 13, 2011 at 11:14 am | Report abuse |
  8. Emilio Estevez

    Charlie? Charlie, can you hear me? Its your Bro, Bro. I know you're still upset Paula Abdul chose me over you but you have to move on. Mom is worried sick about you, and Dad said he'll finally take us to Disney World now that all of us have so much free time on our hands. But you have to promise to stay away from Tinkerbell's fairy dust.

    September 13, 2011 at 10:56 am | Report abuse |
  9. High Poet

    Duh. Those jokes were so late. Like he said, he's already won. He has already eaten the flames even before the roasting begun. :p

    September 13, 2011 at 10:06 am | Report abuse |
  10. LoJenkins


    September 13, 2011 at 10:00 am | Report abuse |
  11. Really?

    I don't get why all of you are hating on Sheen. I mean, he isn't the best guy but he is defineitly not the very worst.I do agree he needs help, but you cannot say that he is not funny, and that this roast will not be.

    September 13, 2011 at 9:59 am | Report abuse |
    • Esmeralda

      Because they are stupid, and love to hate in order to fill their empty and booooorrrrrrrriiiiiiiinnnnnng lives..pathetic people..nothing new.

      September 13, 2011 at 11:51 am | Report abuse |

      LEAVE CHARLIE ALONE. its over he has lost his mind , but not his way....he will live to se 65 and still be worth millions, while you and i will live pay check to pay check...... give the guy a LITTLE CREDIT HE IS A LOT SMAERTER THAN WHAT HE IS ACTINGN ,..............................HMHMHMHMHMHMHMHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

      September 13, 2011 at 3:04 pm | Report abuse |
  12. OCMark

    Now he gets a roast. Why do we celebrate someone on the brink of self-destruction? This is as smart as having had a roast for Amy Winehouse right before she died!

    September 13, 2011 at 9:57 am | Report abuse |
  13. humtake

    Crack of crack...priceless!

    September 13, 2011 at 8:20 am | Report abuse |
  14. Rock

    Youre the man Charlie! Just stay away from my Snookie

    September 13, 2011 at 8:19 am | Report abuse |
  15. lolovision

    My girlfriend and I went to see Lisa Lampinelli do a show in Mississippi on Saturday night. At one point, she started talking about how the roast was being filmed while she was in Mississippi, onstage. She said "I want nothing to do with roasting Sheen. He's a sick, pathetic person who needs medical and psychological attention, not a roast." She was the funniest comic I've seen live in years, and she was dead-on, concerning Sheen.

    September 13, 2011 at 7:48 am | Report abuse |
    • i AM 'sage'

      please...she was just jealous..OBVIOUS..by the way she should take her own advises..

      September 13, 2011 at 11:47 am | Report abuse |
  16. Charlie

    "Winner winner chicken dinner, I don't think so. Winner winner SHEEN dinner."

    September 13, 2011 at 7:46 am | Report abuse |
  17. alex

    We look forward to the Roast Monday, and will have a party around it. What a good excuse to party.
    Love ya Charlie!

    September 13, 2011 at 1:46 am | Report abuse |
  18. Sokman

    He's kinda like Hugh Hefner, but with crack instead of class, and a dirty hotel room instead of the grotto.

    September 13, 2011 at 1:17 am | Report abuse |
  19. Sokman

    I liked The Wraith and The Arrival. He died real good and cowboy like in Young Guns, and Major League was good too

    September 13, 2011 at 1:14 am | Report abuse |
    • Young Guns

      Ya Young Guns is one of my favorite western movies and The Arrival was great too

      September 13, 2011 at 3:38 pm | Report abuse |
  20. Bob

    Charlie who?

    September 12, 2011 at 11:24 pm | Report abuse |
    • sam

      Charlie Sheen. A celebrity/comedian who is famous for appearing in movies such as Platoon and the Hot Shots series, as well as the television show Two and a Half Men.

      September 13, 2011 at 12:57 am | Report abuse |
    • Sir Lord

      Don't forget his performance in "Wall Street" with Michael Douglas!

      September 13, 2011 at 10:11 am | Report abuse |
    • Robet Deniro n'est pas donné à tout le monde

      Bob ? Bob who ?

      September 13, 2011 at 11:45 am | Report abuse |
    • Mary

      I liked Charlie in "Platoon" but my fave movie of his is "Cadence" – love it, still watch it.

      September 13, 2011 at 2:43 pm | Report abuse |
  21. fernace

    So there is no actual "roasts" then.....um, he probably didn't have enough meat on his bones!! 😉

    September 12, 2011 at 11:07 pm | Report abuse |
  22. Karen

    So it's come to this....when you have multiple divorces, no one will hire you and you are a decaying addict, you just sit through a humiliating roast with a smile on your face and then you say "It's all good". Well, yeah, I guess if you're an untreatable addict bent on self-destruction there really are "no limits". Very sad.

    September 12, 2011 at 10:42 pm | Report abuse |
    • mortderire

      the sad truth for you Karen : he has a new movie and a new show..Sad Karen, sad Karen...lol

      September 13, 2011 at 11:43 am | Report abuse |

    Is Seth MacFarlane confused? He's supposed to be roasting Charlie Sheen, not Tiger Woods. I think I'll pass on this tribute to Charlie the loser, but I will watch Two and a Half Men...now that he's gone from the show.

    September 12, 2011 at 8:46 pm | Report abuse |
    • Just state the obvious..

      blablabla enjoy your bashing (and boring life..quite obvious..) and lot's of us will enjoy the roast of Charlie the 'winner'.

      September 13, 2011 at 11:41 am | Report abuse |
    • Davieboy

      a person or thing that loses is the definition of a loser. Charlie is clearly winning because he is still has buckets of money. And you don't I would call you the loser.

      September 13, 2011 at 3:58 pm | Report abuse |


    September 12, 2011 at 8:16 pm | Report abuse |
    • the truth

      Charlie is a A-list tv and B-list movie actor and you...a D-list poster sounds about right. ha.

      September 13, 2011 at 11:39 am | Report abuse |
  25. Evil Queen

    Another MIA is back "Bill & Ted". Charlie is ok. He kind of made an a$$ of himself but I rather see him on Two and Half Men than that Ashton idiot. I would get more laughs from my cat running after a string.They should just end the show altogether.

    September 12, 2011 at 7:24 pm | Report abuse |
    • KamranGCW

      I couldn say it any beter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      September 13, 2011 at 8:47 am | Report abuse |
    • Mary

      I totally agree that the producers should just cancel the show. It won't be any good without Charlie. Jon Cryer is a good actor – he can find other work. But I hate Ashton Kutcher with a powerful acidic enmity. I can't believe they chose him for that part, and I will NEVER watch the show again.
      I'll tune in for the Comedy Central roast, but after that my Monday night TV viewing is done. I'll have more time for reading. At least until I see if any of the new fall shows are worth watching.

      September 13, 2011 at 2:34 pm | Report abuse |
  26. Bill&Ted

    Dudes, Charlie is made of bulletproof teflon! He fully embraces his true nature like the zen master that he is! Party on Dude!

    September 12, 2011 at 7:07 pm | Report abuse |
  27. Evel Knievel

    When is Sheen going to get it over with and die already?

    September 12, 2011 at 6:53 pm | Report abuse |
  28. Snarky

    My god Jeffrey Ross is powerfully unfunny. How in the world does he keep getting work?

    September 12, 2011 at 5:45 pm | Report abuse |
  29. KajinPL

    What can they say about Charlie that he hasn't already admitted? lOl

    September 12, 2011 at 5:42 pm | Report abuse |

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