Last night's episode of "The Bachelor" began with Chris Harrison warning the 17 remaining women that the drama would only continue as the days go by, as if they don't already understand how the show works.
We have one group and two individual dates this week, and the first solo date goes to Ashley S., the nanny who we really haven't heard from since winning the First Impression rose two weeks back. Brad promises Ashley S. the time of her life, and that involves going to the Capitol Records building in Los Angeles to record a song.
That song is Seal's "Kiss From a Rose," and Brad promises the viewers that the cover version will be bad. He wasn't fibbing. After torturing the audience and the guy producing the track, Brad apologizes to "Mr. Seal." He then promises to make it up to Ashley S., doing so by introducing her to - you guessed it - Seal, who sings "Kiss From a Rose" the proper way.
After the concert, Brad and Ashley S. have a dinner on the rooftop of the Capitol Records building, where Ashley talks about her father's passing. Brad appreciates her honesty, and gives her a rose.
It's group date time, and 12 women will be going out based on the clue "love hurts." Meanwhile, Michelle, the Utah hairstylist who raised a fit last week about being on a group date, noted she was peeved about being on a group date this week. Perhaps she should wear a T-shirt to the soiree that says "I HATE GROUP DATES."
The women engage in a movie shoot with Brad, putting together poorly-choreographed fight scenes that reminded me of most college freshmen film school projects. Michelle is again peeved about all this, praying that ninjas kidnap the other women.
The wrap party takes place at a rooftop pool (do all high-rises in Los Angeles have rooftop pools?), where Michelle decides to do something about the other women hanging out with Brad. It's the old sneak around the back and shock Brad while he's talking to Alli trick. Hey, it worked on 700 other TV shows. Michelle is proud of her accomplishment, proudly stating that she'll "practice making babies" with Brad on the finale.
However, Michelle didn't get the rose at the wrap party. Instead, it was Shawntel the funeral director, who must have offered Brad a great deal on a headstone.
Emily is the recipient of the second individual date, which appears to take place inside of a barn. Emily opens up to Brad about the 2004 death of her fiance, stock car driver Ricky Hendrick, and learning that she was pregnant with Hendrick's child shortly after his passing. Brad appreciated Emily opening up to him, and she gets a rose.
Following a session with his therapist (why is this on camera?), Brad hosts a cocktail party with the ladies. Michelle is again upset that Brad is hanging out with the other women, and tells him that. Brad doesn't seem to care, noting that he likes the fact that Michelle tells it like it is.
Brad moves on to Madison the vampire, who literally sheds her fangs by telling Brad that she's not sure whether she's on the show for the right reasons. Brad tells Madison and the other women that if they want to leave, they can do so.
Madison does just that at the rose ceremony, walking away after two roses were handed out. She told Brad that things could have worked out differently if she was just herself from the beginning.
Joining Madison out the door were Sarah the real estate agent, who demonstrated the art of proposing to Brad two weeks ago, and Kimberly, who responded to her elimination by saying a word I can't use on a family-friendly blog.
Next week, there will be scuba diving, Dr. Drew and a black eye.
What did you think of this week's edition of "The Bachelor"?