It's hometown date time, and Jake is packing for his first trip in a hotel room surrounded by censored artwork. I didn't know the motel art industry was that sensitive over what's shown.
Jake says there's a lot at stake here, as he's apparently just realized that proposing to one of these women is a "huge thing."
Our first stop is New York, where Jake connects with Gia. The two take a boat ride around Manhattan, where Gia proudly notes that the Empire State Building is the one with the "pointy thing" on top. She's also failing the little-known vocabulary competition of the show, courtesy of her frequent use of the world "like."
Jake and Gia go to a restaurant where they and Gia's family look like the only customers. Jake and Gia's mom talk about the relationship - Jake says that Gia has a way about here that's real "organic." After dinner, Jake notes that Gia's parents were "awesome," then opts to sit on a stoop with Gia and watch the taxis go by. Jake asks Gia if she's even been kissed on a stoop. Is that a compliment or letdown?
Our next stop is Williamstown, Massachusetts, where Ali's family calls home. Ali notes she grew up in Williamstown as a kid, which means this occurred 4 to 5 years ago.
Ali wants to show Jake a "really, really important place" to her. The one time I visited Williamstown, I was told the "important place" was some faux-1950s diner. But that's not the case, as Ali takes Jake to her dead grandmother's house.
We now head to another home, this one with an extremely blue kitchen, where Jake meets with three of Ali's family members. Mom admits to knowing nothing about the show, so she went online to see a video clip of Jake talking about relationships. Way to promote the Web site, Mom.
Our third stop is Newburg, Oregon, where Jake's getting together with Tenley, who takes Jake to the dance studio "she grew up in." Pretty hard to cook meals and sleep in there, that's for sure.
Tenley then does an interpretive dance in honor of Jake, who thinks it's "awesome." Jake thinks many things are awesome, doesn't he? He's still stuck in 1988.
Tenley says it's important to get parental approval for her next husband. She doesn't want to talk about the ex, but mentions him every 45 seconds or so.
Tenley's father tells Jake that he's pleased with him making family a priority, then gets all verklempt. Tenley then informs Jake that he made her entire family verklempt. Jake is a walking Nicholas Sparks novel.
Our last stop is Florida to see Vienna and her family. Vienna, who says she's done everything she's wanted to do by age 23, including getting married, really wants Jake to see her dad. At home, more people are crying, and dad takes Jake to his "man cave" for a five o'clock shadow summit. Dad says he has a good feeling about Jake, who admits it's "awesome" that he's falling hard for Vienna.
Back to the hotel for the rose ceremony, and there's a knock at Jake's door. It's Ali, and she's looking blue as her mother's kitchen. She "just found out" that she must choose between staying on the show and her job, and needs Jake's help. Jake says he'd like Ali to stay, but that she must decide for herself. This goes on and on and on until the rose ceremony, where Ali decides to depart.
As she leaves, Jake says Ali is "slipping right through his fingers, and he doesn't know how to stop her." Good to see ex-soap opera writers finding work. In the "Limo of Shame," Ali wonders out loud whether she made the right decision.
Back at the hotel, Jake tells the three remaining women that they are off to St. Lucia. The women cheer, then privately wonder where St. Lucia is.
What did you think of this week's edition of "The Bachelor"?