Today's news you might've missed:
aint Peter is watching the gates of Heaven, but he really has to go the bathroom. He asks Jesus to watch the gates for a few minutes, and Jesus says "Fine." St. Pete takes the book which lists everyone who's supposed to get into Heaven with him to the bathroom to have something to read.�
As Jesus is standing there, he sees this old man leading a donkey up from Earth to Heaven. He notices the old man has carpenter's tools with him. When the old man gets to the gates, Jesus tells him he doesn't have the book, but asks the old man to explain his life and why he felt he should be admitted into heaven. Jesus would then make the decision whether or not to let him in based on the story.�
The man explains "In English, my name would be Joseph, but I didn't live in America or England. I lived a modest life, making things out of wood. I'm not remembered very well by most people, but almost everyone has heard of my son. I call him my son, but I was more of a Dad to him, he didn't really come into this world in the usual way.�
I sent my son out to be among the people of the World. He was ridiculed by many, and was even known to associate himself with some pretty unsavory characters, although he himself tried to be honest and perfect. My single biggest reason for trying to get into Heaven is to be reunited with my son."�
Jesus is awestruck by the man's story. He looks into the old man's eyes and asks, "Are you MY earthly father?"�
The old man's face brightens; he looks at Jesus, and asks, "Are you my Pinocchio?"
An orthopedic surgeon was moving to a new office, with the help of his staff. One of the nurses sat the display skeleton in the front of her car, a bony arm across the back of the seat.
On the drive across town, she stopped at a traffic light, and the stares of the people in the neighboring car compelled her to roll down her window and yell, I’m delivering him to my doctor’s office.” The other driver leaned out of is window. “I hate to tell you, lady,” he said, “but I think it’s too late!”
After a lady’s car had leaked motor oil on her cement driveway, she bought a large bag of cat litter to soak it up. It worked so well, that she went back to the store to get another bag to finish the job. The clerk remembered her. Looking thoughtfully at her purchase, he said, “Lady, if that were my cat, I’d put him outside!”
OK THIS IS A POOP FORUM. ONLY TALK ABOUT POOP PLEASE. THANKS!
Know how you can tell if your best friend is gay? His co<k tastes like sh!t.
Your obsession with my "orientation" is more telling about YOUR OWN.
Why does it matter to you or anyone else that I am gay? That is none of your business, bigot.
But of course, to a looser such as yourself with no life outside of your mother’s basement, what
more can we expect? LOL
It's nice to know how much I was missed, Sadie and Peace! CUL!
SA! BOL!!!!!!! :o
Hey GF! Came to join the party again! What took you so long? lol...
Traveled the world and got lost in China! 😁
I'm a single mom from detroit shunned by men, so true to stereotype I have a relationship with the government as my provider instead. Despite the failings of my ideas clearly evident in detroit I am still a rabid sozialist and I will repeat 0bama talking points here all day, predictable as pie, since the new TJI moderator has grown sick of me!
While I know that it's vogue to support gay, interracial, and all other kinds of relations, I really think the backstreet boys shouldn't breed the pandas. They can breed sheep and goats, but pandas are endangered and should be encouraged to breed with other pandas.
What if the Backstreet Boys breed WITH the pandas? In the photo, it kind of looks like that's what they're doing.
Pretty sure the guy in the pink shoes has his d!ck inside that panda. Must be a gay panda.
Are you still single? Maybe ~ВlàckWhìteHub. ℂom ~ - is suitable for you. This is serious black and white dating services and personals site dedicated to those seeking real love. Thousands of white women and black men have been meeting on this site and created interracial couples success stories of their own, not to mention the thousands of black women and white men dating and finding love on this website too. Single black people meeting single white people is why we are here.
No mention of Emily? OMG WOW...DID SOMETHING HAPPEN TO YOUR FRIEND EMILY!?
I PUT POOP GRAVY ON MY MASHED POTATOES TONIGHT! THE SECRET IS IN THE SAUCE!
SPREAD MY LEGS AND CALL ME "DUMPY SALLY!"
I don't use toilet paper when I poop. Going green by going brown.
Pooped my pants again tonight. Now I'm watching hockey and sitting in my own filth. GO BLACKHAWKS!
Nice! Poop on.
A rooster was strutting around the henhouse one Easter morning and came across a nest of eggs dyed every color of the rainbow. The rooster took one look at the colorful display, ran outside and beat the heck out of the resident peac ock.
bobcat, Your jokes are great! I vote that you bring us a joke every pm on wyww! :) We can call it, "The evening grin, by bobcat".
I will be more than happy to oblige you on your request. I had been posting daily doses of jokes on the TJI blogs, but the powers that be, over there, decided to block them. But even when you stay on topic, they either block or delete your posts. Needless to say, I'm looking for a new home. I hope maybe it can be here.
Don't take credit for all the jokes. I used to post jokes here as well funny man.
Thanks bobcat, I look forward to the "evening grin"!
@yea, Were you Attilla (sp)? You had some good 1's too!
Didn't we used to have a joker named Doug, too?
Maybe we could have a "joke off"...yes, I said joke...lol!
Have a good day, even tho it's Mon. :)
Btw, Where's Triumph, Sokman, & BV?
Hey Peace! I'm still around. Just been lurking and plopping out stink nuggets in the shadows for the past couple of days. How are you?
Good morning all! Hey Triumph! I was wondering what happened to you, and to Sokman, too. I had a busy week last week, so I didn't come around a lot, either. Glad to see you back.
H¡ Peace, how was your vacation? Yeah, that attila the hun was a funny one..lol. I bet that person is a w¡ld and crazy one..lol. I'm lurking and popping in and out as well. Not doing a Triumph lurking and plopping thou. I'm keeping ¡t clean..lol.
Hey Mr. Tr¡umph! How is your mom's leg doing?
Hi Ms. Crazy Sad¡e. How are you doing today?
Ahhh sh¡t... I was yea. I forgot to change my name..lmao
Morning BV! How ya doing? I'm texting with Peace right now. I will tell her that you popped in. Do anything exciting over the weekend?
Well my parents are here on vacation, so I spent time with family, and said a prayer for Serenity..lol
Hey BV & Triumph! Sadie told me you both stopped in...now where's Sokman? Lol!
BV, Dad doing ok? Glad ya got to visit w/family! :)
Triumph, How's Mom? I'm good. Vaca went too fast. Didn't get to go to Munising, weather was awful there. Switched up plans & still had a good time. I was disappointed about not going there, tho. :(
Prayer for serenity? lol... Glad when they visit, but glad when they leave, too? I totally understand, though. Did your weather ever get better? It was only 60 here yesterday. Been having a lot of rain, too. I'm having a hard time getting out there to plant flowers. Did you get your vines planted? What do you usually plant? Do you do Morning Glory's? They would be a fast grower, too. I picked up a couple of the mandevilla vines. They are calling them something different this year. If you are interested, I'll go out and get the name for you. Let me know.
Weather turned out great. Hot, humid but I'll take it. Raining now thou.
Awww..fam¡ly...they're alright. It's just everyone get together and they get stup¡t
I got Cypress vine and I want to go back and get Tangerine Beauty. I was thinking of getting Morning Glory. Maybe I should. That okay..no need to go through the trouble getting that name.
Oh Peace..my Dad is still hanging in there. Thank God. Thxs for asking
:) So glad to hear that, BV!!! Time to get busy, have good day, all!
Looking forward to you tonight, bobcat!
I had to google Cypress vine. Pretty. Do you plant those in pots, or are you on the ground level, so you can plant in the ground? Oh, those other flowers that I was telling you about previously, I think they are called Lantana. I bought a small planter with that in. I have to buy something to get them higher off ground, so the hummingbirds can get at them, without my cats nabbing them. If you can get that in a hanging basket, you will double your hummingbirds. They really like the purple ones. There wasn't an info spike in the planter, so I could verify name, but I'm pretty sure that is what they are called. I think you'd really like "Dipladenia". That is the mandevilla vine name. Gets like about a 4 inch flower on it. Grows really fast, too. You can actually bring those into the house for the winter, and put back out the following year.
Hey Sadie, Peace, Vixen. Mom is doing better. I've got her exercising to strengthen her leg. Slowly but surely it's getting better. Hope you all are doing well. Now I must go give my neighbor's cat a shampoop.
Good for you, Triumph, taking such good care of mom! You're a good guy!
Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship. He sends a signal: “Change your course 10 degree east.”
The light signals back: “Change yours, 10 degrees west.”
Angry, the captain sends: “I’m a navy captain! Change your course, sir!”
“I’m a seaman, second class,” comes the reply. “Change your course, sir.”
Now the captain is furious. “I’m a battleship! I’m not changing course!”
There is one last reply. “I’m a lighthouse. Your call.”
By the time the soldier pulled into the little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere", he pleaded with a proprietor. "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, but he is an Air Force guy" admitted the manager, and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you.
" No problem." the tired Army guy assured him, "I'll take it." The next morning the soldier came down to breakfasts bright-eyed and bushy tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better", said the soldier. The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring all night long?" "No, I shut him up in no time", explained the soldier.
"How'd you manage that?" asked the proprietor.
"Well, he was already in bed, snoring away, when I walked into the room, so I gave him a kiss on the cheek" explained the soldier. “Then, I whispered in his ear 'Good night beautiful', and he sat up all night watching me."
Honey, I'm home! How's everybody doing?
Not a bsb fan. Bears are hella cute.
Hey Est. 19xx! Those bears are too cute, aren't they? Cuter than the guys holding them...lol!
Never been a "boy band" fan. They are going to need more than those cute little pandas to be appealing to most people. I do think it is time these guys change their name, though. Really not working for them now.
Welcome back, Peace. I hope you had a great vacation. Howdy to all! I hope you are all having a great weekend.
Hey Sadie! Funny how a week goes by so quickly when you're not at home, but, when you're home...lol!
Please allow me to introduce myself
I'm a joker, I'm a smokerI'm a midnight tokerI sure don't want to hurt no one.
So let the festivities begin.
In Hollywood they get married early in
the morning. That way, if it doesn't work
out, you haven't wasted a whole day.
Have you ever noticed
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one, dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
A large group of Taliban soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand-dune. "One Texas soldier is better than ten Taliban".
The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune whereupon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence.
The voice then calls out "One Texan is better than one hundred Taliban".
Furious, the Taliban commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.
The Texan voice calls out again "One Texan is better than one thousand Taliban".
The enraged Taliban Commander musters one thousand fighters and sends them across the dune. Cannon, rocket and machine gun fire ring out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence.
Eventually one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more men, its a trap. There's actually two of them."
A group of Taliban men poo into a hole. The hole is filled. Then they make a new hole.
Bobcat- may I add another lol!
Well aint that just sweet. The same jack assss troll thats on the TJI blog is on this one too. Thanks jeffrey grant roem you freakin coward. Not me at 11:16
I wonder if any of the pandas pooped on them? That woulda been funny.
"Is there anything cuter than a boy band cuddling with giant pandas?"
Yes, a boyband with turd smeared all over their faces, perhaps in loveheart shapes. With stars.
Eww @ Tim! Thats an absolutely horrifying thought!
: ) Yeah ! : )
Eww @ Tim! Thats an absolutely nauseating thought!
When dis Superman become an antiamerican Hussein Obama supporter?
I bet you could take one of those panda things, slow roast it over an open pit, then coat it in A1 sauce, and it would be almost as good as a hamburger. That'd be some good eatin. American style. Not like what those gay democrats eat.
I heard Pandas are mostly gay. That's why there aren't so many of them.
PANDAS ! Those things are soooooo delicious. Have you ever tried barbecued panda? It taste just like chicken! Muy delicioso !
We are all about farts and poo. Plese contributed to the constipated-lmao
You must be logged in to post a comment.
Our daily cheat-sheet for breaking celebrity news, Hollywood buzz and your pop-culture obsessions.
Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.
Join 7,783 other followers