January 11th, 2013
10:30 AM ET
[Editor's Note: This post contains spoilers for the January 10 episode of "30 Rock."]
With only three episodes of “30 Rock” left, the farewells have begun.
The (terrifying) new Surgeon General of the United States, Dr. Spaceman, yelled, “That’s a series wrap on Leo Spacemen, suckers!”
Before his exit, Dr. Spaceman prescribed Liz fertility hormones. Tracy was concerned, and he’s not a woman, so he could say whatever he wanted. “That stuff will shrink your testicles. But there are bad side effects as well.”
Once those side effects reached her left blob (“Being a woman is the worst!”), Liz called Megan Mullally at the adoption agency. Mullally’s character said she’d have to wait four years for an infant, but “I can give you a 6-year-old yesterday, pick a color.”
Meanwhile, Hank Hooper decided to hand Kabletown over to granddaughter Kaylie, and appointed Jack her assistant. “It’ll work great, just like Conan and Jay.”
So Jack enlisted private investigator Len Wiseman (Steve Buscemi), who went undercover (for good) and led Jack to his nemesis Devin Banks.
During a visit at his new job (“Really Banks, spin class? Isn’t that a bit of a gay cliche?”), Banks said Kaylie’s father was gay. (“How gay, Banks, on a scale from bear hunting to hunting bears?")
To prove Hank Jr. wasn’t the girl’s real father, they just needed her DNA. (“I’ve got a ton of her dad’s.”)
Teen Kaylie was a formidable adversary. “You’re so old and out of touch Donaghy. I might as well be looking at Justin Timberlake.” BURN!
But Jack managed to fast track a paternity test with the help of his powerful friends at “The Maury Povich Show.” Jack knew Devin was lying, and had him mail Hank a birthday card instead of the fake negative test. He knew birthdays were the only thing more important to Hank than family. Kaylie was devastated: “After college I’m going to have to go into publishing, and marry a finance guy and do charity stuff.”
Meanwhile, Tracy was struggling to control the Tracy-esque star of his Harriet Tubman biopic, Octavia Spencer. “I got to go home and feed my eels. They’re not electric, but I have a plan.”
He channeled the only person who could keep him in line. “Blerg! I’m Liz Lemon. I’m in charge. Nerds. I want to have a baby. My boyfriend is a pilot or something. Sandwiches.”
The role reversal gave Tracy new perspective. He told Liz that she could do anything. So she overcame her fear of 30-year-old Russian dwarf imposters and called the agency to inquire about adopting an older child.
Goodbye Dr. Spaceman, and farewell Devin Banks. We’ll never forget the wisdom you’ve imparted on us: “You win sex against a man. That’s as straight as it gets.”
What did you think of last night’s episode?
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