January 8th, 2013
11:35 AM ET
This year's title catch on "The Bachelor," Sean Lowe, has bounced back from his heartbreak on the last season of "The Bachelorette."
Maybe it's because he wants a wife and children, or maybe he likes the nice salary ABC is giving him, but Lowe's ready to be the next "Bachelor."
But if you sat out "Bachelorette" Emily Maynard's quest to find a mate, "The Bachelor" reminded us on its season premiere Monday night that Lowe finished third. But seeing that Emily and eventual winner Jef didn't last long, it's safe to say that the bronze may have been more like gold for our Texan.
Before we got to meeting the ladies, Sean chatted with the last "Bachelorette" runner-up, Arie Luyendyk Jr. After reminiscing about their time with Emily Maynard, the two discussed Sean's kissing technique, as well as the words he'd emphasize during the rose ceremony. To paraphrase Chris Harrison, this truly was the dumbest segment in "Bachelor" history.
Speaking of "Right Reverend" Chris, he did get around to introducing us to some of the women who will be competing for Sean's heart.
There was Desiree, a bridal stylist who likes to be called "Dez." I didn't care for her, so I'll call her Desiree. We then got a look at Tierra, a Colorado native who was pretty excited when a producer told her about Sean. And by "excited," I mean "borderline stalker."
We also got a chance to meet Ashley P., who wondered why she's living with her cat and isn't married. She then talked about how she's obsessed with "Fifty Shades of Grey" and how she wants to be "spanked" by Sean. I'm shocked the kitty hasn't left home by now.
But back to the "Stately Bachelor Manor," where Chris was welcoming Sean to the show as the limousines arrived.
The first limo featured Jackie, who put lipstick on to kiss Sean on the cheek (she is a "cosmetics consultant," so I guess she has to sell her wares).
Jackie was followed by Selma, who promptly wiped off Jackie's kiss with some tissue. Daniella welcomed herself to the show by introducing Sean to a handshake that all the cool eighth graders did in 1998.
"Fifty Shades" Ashley P. popped out of the second limousine and whipped out a necktie for Sean, who was quite clueless about the symbolism. Maybe if she were fascinated with Louis L'Amour or Zane Grey ...
The third limo saw Lesley M. try to handspring her way to Sean only to fall on her head. We also met Paige, who told Sean that she was one of the "super fans" on last summer's "Bachelor Pad." Given that no one watched last season's "Bachelor Pad," I give kudos to Paige for giving Sean the heads up.
Excited Tierra introduced herself to Sean, who then promptly walked away. Did he have to go to the little bachelor's room? Nope, he went to Chris to ask if he could "bend" the rules.
Chris, who remembered that the show has no rules, gave him his blessing (Chris is a Universal Life Church minister, so he's allowed to give blessings), and Sean grabbed a rose and gave it to Tierra, citing her "magnetic" personality.
After five limos and 25 women made their appearances, you'd think it was cocktail party time, right? Wrong! Chris said another woman specifically called the show and asked to meet Sean.
Who could it be? Why, it's Kacie B. from the Ben Flajnik season of "The Bachelor." The others didn't seem too thrilled about welcoming her to the fold, but that angle was quickly dropped as Sean started going crazy with power.
Rather than waiting until the rose ceremony to pick the rest of his first-week survivors, Sean handed out roses to 11 other women during the party. Among those getting roses: Jackie the lipstick purveyor, Selma the lipstick hater, and Sarah, a Colorado ad executive who was born with one arm.
That meant Sean only had to hand out seven roses during the actual ceremony, and the lucky recipients included Kacie B. and Lindsay, a Missouri native who showed up to the party in a wedding dress. Maybe she was hoping this season was one episode and done.
Alas, "Fifty Shades" Ashley P. got the boot, so she now has plenty of time to clean the cat's litter box.
We also said farewell to "Bachelor Pad" Paige and KeriAnn, who told Sean that she "drove 2,775 miles" to meet him. Hopefully the producers gave her a coupon for a free oil change before she headed home.
The show ended with the annual highlight reel of what to expect this season, and if you like such "Bachelor" traditions such as water, helicopters and climbing things, this season is for you.
What did you think of last night's "Bachelor" premiere?
About this blog
Our daily cheat-sheet for breaking celebrity news, Hollywood buzz and your pop-culture obsessions.