August 13th, 2012
11:34 AM ET
[This post contains spoilers for the August 12 episode of "True Blood."]
Eric joined the Sanguinistas on the latest episode of "True Blood," and Russell finally told them he thought they were a bunch of idiots.
He’s not wrong.
Sookie, alone in her house, turned off the TV because they were discussing the decimation of all five Tru Blood factories on the news. Mike the coroner knocked on her door.
She let him in and he reared his new fangs and attacked her. Fortunately, she had chopsticks handy and staked him. Very impressive! Though her cute PJs were ruined.
Later, Jason came over, and when she shared Gran’s hint about where to find clues about the death of their parents, he looked under the bed. Literally. He found a box underneath a floorboard with a scroll in it. “Who’s the smart one now?” he asked.
Well, his bout of genius didn’t last. They didn’t recognize the characters from a mysterious language written on the scroll. Hey dummies, go ask the fairies!
Eventually, they did. An ancient fairy named Maurella (Andy’s former paramour - and she’s pregnant! Uh oh…) read the scroll and told them that in 1702, their ancestor promised the first fae-bearing female heir to a Mr. M. Warlow. So Warlow was finally coming to collect what was rightfully his: Sookie.
But a crazy vampire wasn’t Jason’s only problem. Hoyt decided to move to Alaska to start a new life. He asked Jessica to glamour him and erase herself and Jason from his memory. Hasn’t Hoyt seen “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”? It won’t work! Not even Mark Ruffalo in tighty whiteys.
Later, Jason pulled Hoyt over on the road, and his lifelong best friend really didn’t remember him. When Jason got back in his car, he sobbed. It was very sad, though Hoyt’s storyline has run its course.
Lafayette was barely in this episode, but his matching outfits and eye shadow sent a message loud and clear: our girl’s got his groove back!
At the Authority, Bill staked poor Molly using the nifty app she designed. But he gave Eric one last chance to switch sides. He forced Eric to drink Lilith’s blood with Nora. Instead of Lilith, Godric appeared to them.
Their maker told Nora that, before his death, he’d managed to do what she couldn’t - evolve. Then Lilith appeared behind him and ripped his throat out.
Later, Eric claimed he had been converted, and was now devoted to Lilith. He even forgave Russell for killing his entire family. But it seemed to me like Eric was nearly choking on his words.
Godric wasn’t the only surprise visitor to the Authority. Sam and Luna shifted into mice to rescue Emma from her “owner” Steve.
The effects of the Tru Blood shortage were taking their toll at Fangtasia. The new sheriff informed Pam that Area 5 had to create 30 new vampires or he’d take possession of all of her assets, including Tara.
Tara took matters into her own hands. She tricked the new sheriff into rushing to Fangtasia and staked him. Though Pam was annoyed, she seemed proud. And she should be. As a human, Tara was the worst, but she makes a decent vampire.
The villains this season have been playing musical chairs. Roman was the first big villain, but he didn’t last long. It seemed Lilith would rise and wreak havoc. She kind of did, but she’s not exactly real. Salome rallied the Sanguinistas, but her fatal flaw was obvious from the jump: she trusted Russell.
So it came as no surprise last night when Russell rebelled and revealed his true motives. He supported the Sanguinistas because their principles allowed him to suck a house full of frat boys dry without repercussions. But of course, Russell was aiming higher. He wanted to do the one thing vampires can’t: to walk in the sunlight.
Russell suggested they figure out how to synthesize fairy blood, or breed fairies so they could daywalk. When Salome called fairies an abomination, Russell ridiculed her small-minded religion. “You can have your Lilith. I will not be constrained by your God or anyone else’s. I will have the sun!” He rushed off, presumably in search of the portal to Faery.
Everyone in the Authority looked concerned. When you’re dumb enough to trust Russell, you get burned. This time perhaps literally.
With only two episodes left this season, the fairy and vampire storylines finally seem to be converging. It looks like Bill and, much more importantly, Eric will finally head back to Bon Temps. But when will Warlow come to collect Sookie? And how does he fit into the vampires vs. vampires vs. Russell vs. fairies plot? Leave your theories in the comments.
What did you think of last night’s episode?
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