July 30th, 2012
11:33 AM ET
[This post contains spoilers for the July 29 episode of HBO's "True Blood."]
On Sunday's “True Blood,” the Authority finally came up with a plan end mainstreaming in society – and the evil idea was Bill’s.
When Eric, Bill and the Authority members stumbled back into the headquarters, only Eric seemed lucid. (“We were in the presence of God,” Bill marveled. “We were high as f*****g kites,” Eric corrected.)
Salome enticed Bill to jump on the Sanguinista bandwagon for good, offering an innocent woman. In a flashback, he remembered his human daughter begging him to turn her on his deathbed. That memory somehow convinced him to suck, literally and figuratively. What a jerk!
Thankfully, Eric still had some sense. Following Godric’s orders, he reminded Nora of their maker’s principles. She called Godric a weak apologist. Who could have predicted that Eric would turn out to be the moral compass of the show?
In Faery, Sookie and Jason sought advice from Claude and Co. on how she could use her fairy powers to figure out who killed their parents.
The fairies channeled their power and Sookie had a vision. From the vampire’s point of view, she saw him kill her parents before Claudine stepped in and commanded, “Warlow, leave the girl alone.”
According to Claude, it should be impossible for Sookie to be inside the vampire’s head. Could a blood connection have allowed her entrance? If so, who is Warlow?
His spirit appeared to Sookie in her home that night and threatened her. Yikes!
Meanwhile, Sam shifted into a snake (his powers are so underrated) to interrogate Joe Bob. But another Sam walked into the room! Andy put it best: “That’s his girlfriend. She turned into him. Now she’s stuck.”
Luna was terrified that her inability to shift back meant she was dying. Sam comforted her, and they had a really intense conversation about their relationship. Which was ridiculous because they both looked like Sam! (Sam Trammell’s acting skills are also underrated. His Luna was very convincing.)
Finally, Luna shifted back and vomited. I hope she recovers because Sam deserves to be happy.
At Fangtasia, Pam reprimanded Tara when she got testy with racist former high school classmate Tracy. Then Pam glamoured Tracy and made her Tara’s slave. Pam explained, “You don’t know me that well. My mad face and my happy face are the same.”
Tara wasn’t the only one receiving people as gifts. Hoyt’s new crew kidnapped Jessica, wrapped her in silver chains, and told him to kill her. He couldn’t go through with it, but he deliberated for way too long. Hoyt, holding the woman who broke your heart at gunpoint is not the way to get over her.
You also may have noticed that there weren’t that many man butts last week, so there were extra butt shots in this episode! Both Sam and Alcide are keeping it tight.
Alcide went to challenge packmaster JD, who presented a teenage track star as their prey. Alcide was forced to compete in order to save the boy’s life.
JD defeated Alcide and was about to crush his head with a rock when Martha intervened. I’m not sure where this is headed - maybe Alcide and a group of defectors will start a new pack?
Judging from the comments last week, you readers care as little about Terry and Arlene’s storyline as I do. While part of me is sad to see Lafayette get sucked into this mess, he certainly spiced it up.
The moment poor Lala returned home after escaping Jesus’ grandfather, Arlene and Holly ambushed him. They begged him to pretend to channel the woman who supposedly cursed Terry in order to put his mind at ease.
But Lala’s powers are no joke, and he actually did channel her. And she was angry. Lafayette delivered her news: "Terry, baby, you got to kill Patrick. Or either he got to kill you.” Patrick bolted. (Run, Scott Foley, run! Don’t stop until you find a better role!)
Back at the Authority, Salome implored the newly devout chancellors to devise a plan. While Steve and Russell flirted (amazing), Bill came up with a brilliant idea: to bomb all of the Tru Blood factories so that vampires would be forced to drink human blood.
So, Bill is officially the worst. How will Eric derail his frenemy's plan? And when is the Authority storyline going to coincide with Sookie’s? And, and…OK, I’m exhausted. So many subplots, so few episodes left!
How do you think all - or, let's just be honest, some - of these disparate plot points will come together?
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