June 26th, 2012
11:53 AM ET
Monday night's episode of "The Bachelorette" took us to the Czech city of Prague, because that's what single American mothers do during their free time - travel to Eastern Europe. (Prague reminded Emily of the "olden days" - who knew she was a big fan of the Soviet bloc?)
This week, the six remaining contestants faced a group date and a trio of one-on-one dates. A rose was only up for grabs on the group date, and the men also had to deal with a hotel suite that looked like a furniture showroom.
The first individual date went to Arie, who tried to look smart by wearing a jacket with patches on its elbows. Someone should really remind Arie that those jackets only work for educators and those who pretend to be educators, like Homer Simpson.
The date was nothing more than a walk around Prague, but Emily was upset. She said Arie had a secret, and that
Chris, speaking from outside of the "Bachelor Pad," announced that thanks to the many rumors spreading around about Arie, he had to speak out to set the record straight.
So, for the record, Arie had a relationship with a "Bachelorette" producer named Cassie Lambert years before the race car driver met Emily. We then watched a brief segment where Cassie told Emily about the relationship, with Emily wondering why no one, particularly Arie, told her about this.
After an awkward lunch date where "no secrets" Arie revealed a secret that had nothing to do with the producer, we went back to the "Bachelor Pad."
Chris, who kept emphasizing that Arie and Cassie dated a long time ago, explained that Arie, Cassie and Emily had an off-camera chat, where they kissed and made up. This led to Emily and Arie's dinner in Prague, where both apologized to each other and chose to live happily ever after.
To say these segments were awful would be the understatement of the decade. If only Chris had thought to re-enact the "off-camera chat" with sock puppets and booze.
The second individual date went to John, who I'm still not calling "Wolf." Like Arie's date, John and Emily walked around Prague, this time painting a wall and placing a lock on a fence. And you thought watching paint dry was entertaining! Nevertheless, John declared the date a success.
Back at the suite, "Bobblehead" Chris was upset. He was headed on another group date but hadn't been on a one-on-one since his time in Charlotte. He was also sick and tired of hearing the guys talk about Emily's dates, so he responded by leaving the room. How about changing the subject once in a while?
While Chris was sulking, Sean the insurance agent, who was also on the group date, came up with a plan. He left the hotel and ran around Prague screaming Emily's name - like "The Graduate," only 200 times lamer. And why does Prague look like a ghost town? Better to clear the streets than have the locals point and laugh at Sean, I guess.
When he found Emily, Sean told her that he won't get in trouble for that because "no knows about it." He mentioned this with a camera crew trailing him, proving to me that he and Emily may be a perfect match, as they appear to have the combined IQ of a tree stump.
At the group date, Emily promptly gave Doug the real estate agent the boot for not moving fast enough as well as not "fighting" for her. If Emily wanted cage death matches to decide her one true love, she should have said that in the premiere.
Doug's elimination meant that Chris and Sean were left to battle for the rose. Emily chose Sean, saying she'd really like to meet his family. This irked Chris to no end, and Emily reminded him not to take it personally.
Jef with one "f" had the final individual date, and he and Emily opted to have the nerdiest date in show history, hanging out in a marionette shop and the library, where they re-enacted their adventures with marionettes. The highlight of the date was Jef admitting to having an Afro hairstyle back in the day.
On the night of the rose ceremony, Emily was so confident on who she was going to eliminate that she put a kibosh on the cocktail party. That upset Chris, who really needed to talk to Emily. He didn't appear that desperate, as he allowed Emily to give Arie and Jef roses before making his request.
During the chat, Chris apologized for acting "like a boy" during the group date, saying he's ready to be the person that Emily and her daughter deserve. Emily liked what she heard and kept him around for another week, meaning John went home empty-handed.
Next week is all about the hometown dates, as Emily visits the families of the four remaining competitors.
What did you think of last night's "Bachelorette" episode?
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