June 12th, 2012
12:02 PM ET
Monday's "Bachelorette" took Emily and the 10 remaining men to London, with Chris Harrison taking the time to remind the "bachelors" that only one of them would become Emily's husband.
Yes, he used the "h" word, proving that our beloved host may be more delusional than we thought.
Sean the insurance agent had the first individual date of the show, with a date card clue of "love takes no prisoners." (I didn't know wearing too much plaid was a crime in Britain.)
Sean and Emily took a double-decker bus ride through London, then posed at various tourist attractions to the delight of each other. Emily thanked Sean for not being boring, which I guess counts as a compliment. Sean responded by heading to Speakers' Corner, the famous home of public debate and discourse in Hyde Park, to speak about love in the most robotic way possible.
Later that night, Emily and Sean had dinner at the Tower of London, where Emily proudly noted "King Henry" once lived. Good start, Emily, but there was more than one Henry who ruled England. Then Sean shared that he'd like between "three and 10" babies, prompting Emily to give him a rose.
The group date had eight of the men perform scenes from "Romeo and Juliet" with Emily, but that wasn't the story of the date. The big news came at the post-date party, where Kalon was exposed for who he actually is.
You remember Kalon, right? The Texas man-child who entered the show on a helicopter? He's spent the last few weeks making snide remarks to both Emily and the men, most of the time to their faces.
Emily expressed some concern about Kalon on a previous episode, but opted to keep him around - no doubt because "The Bachelorette" needs to hold on to its ratings.
But this time, Kalon may have gone too far. During the Sean date, Kalon told Jef with one "f" and another guy at the hotel that any date with Emily was a "group date," referring to Emily's daughter. Jef, who wasn't going on the group date, basically told Kalon where to stick it.
Fast-forward to the party, where "Bobblehead" Chris played telephone, telling Arie that Kalon basically called Emily's daughter "baggage." When confronted by the other contestants Kalon admitted to saying it, so the guys debated who should tell Emily.
That honor went to Doug the real estate agent and charity founder, who may have referred to Kalon as "Kaitlyn" when he spilled the story.
Emily, who was so angry about this that she had to take off her jacket, told Kalon that he's a terrible human being and to take a hike. A wonderful moment for sure, but it was missing one important facet - a Benny Hill-style chase. Imagine it: Kalon being chased through London by Emily, the other contestants, Chris Harrison and various other people, all to the music of "Yakety Sax." That would be ratings gold.
But Emily's wasn't done yet! After some time to cool off, she took aim at the other men on the group date, lambasting them for not warning her about Kalon beforehand. As a result, no one got a rose, which confused me.
Emily appeared to warn herself about Kalon earlier, but now she's upset that no one else said anything? It sounds as if Emily wants the men to snitch to her about the wrongs of their rivals, but if that happened we'd be down to one contestant by the end of the first cocktail party. Emily may be a great mother, but she tends to treat the men like they're her five-year-old sons.
On the second individual date, Jef and Emily had an etiquette lesson on afternoon tea from a proper British woman, which was funny at times. Jef looked legitimately afraid of this woman.
Finally, they went to a pub for some pints after Jef was quizzed on the proper way to head to the bathroom.
During their pub stop, Jef admitted that he called Kalon out on his "group date" remarks at the hotel, adding that if Emily's daughter is "baggage" she's a classic handbag. (Easily one of the worst attempts at a compliment I've ever heard.)
Later that night, Emily and Jef went to the London Eye, which is essentially a futuristic Ferris wheel, for dessert. Alas, they didn't make a dent on what appeared to be ice cream parfaits. Instead, they downed champagne and discussed Kalon some more, with Jef pledging to always be truthful to her. Emily liked the comment, and gave Jef a rose in the process.
At the rose ceremony, Emily decided to get rid of Alejandro the mushroom farmer, presumably for saying all of one sentence during the episode. Maybe he's not much of a fungi. (Thanks, I'm here all week!)
Next week, Emily and the eight remaining guys head to Croatia
What did you think of last night's "Bachelorette" episode?
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