June 4th, 2012
11:56 AM ET
[The following post contains spoilers for the June 3 episode of AMC's "Mad Men."]
How did you commemorate Queen Elizabeth II's Diamond Jubilee? Matthew Weiner & Co. celebrated by offering up the lone British character as a sacrifice to Her Majesty. I dare you to try and top that.
Sally had a big night too, but right now it's time to pour one out for Mr. Pryce.
Farewell, Lane; you'll always occupy prime real estate in our hearts for that one time you kicked Pete Campbell's a**.
Things actually appeared to be looking up for Lane when a representative from the American Association of Advertising Agencies offered him a chairmanship on their board. His life began to spiral out of control, however, when it was announced at an SCDP partners meeting that new client Jaguar had requested a special billing arrangement with the firm.
While rooting around in the agency's financial records, Bert discovered the check Lane forged and promptly reported it to Don. When confronted, Lane confessed and implored Don to believe him when he said that the check was merely a loan he would've paid back had their bonuses not been pulled.
Don was all, “Tell it to the Pips 'cause Gladys ain't listening,” and asked for Lane's resignation - but not before he doled out some sage advice about moving on and starting over. Then he put a cigarette out in his eye. I kid, but he might as well have because Lane was utterly destroyed.
Despondent, he returned home to his wife, who presented him with a brand new Jaguar. He later tried to kill himself in said Jaguar – a car from a country that he couldn't bear to return to – and it wouldn't start. Talk about being in a sorry state.
Lane ultimately hanged himself in his office, bringing the official Don Draper Body Count to three. Instead of a suicide note, Lane left the resignation letter Don asked him to write. Don was genuinely shaken by the news, perhaps because the situation was reminiscent of his half-brother Adam, who also committed suicide after Don rejected him.
In other firm updates, Don was discouraged that the agency was still dealing in small potatoes. He told Roger that his reluctance to pursue bigger fish was attributed to Ed Baxter - of Dow and Ken Cosgrove father-in-law fame - telling him about lingering trust issues after the Lucky Strike letter.
Figuring they had nothing to lose, Roger finagled a meeting with Dow and gave Cosgrove fair warning that SCDP would pursue the contract. Ken was on board but it was conditional that Pete be kept out of any business dealings. Roger was excited because there was finally someone who would hang out with him in his treehouse with the “No Campbells Allowed” sign on the door.
At the meeting, Don and Roger tried their best to woo Ed, some guy with the charisma of a physics textbook and Clark Kent. Don went into full-on Julia Sugarbaker mode and told Dow what was up. Then he dropped the mic, kicked the door open and moon-walked out of the office.
In other words, vintage Don.
Meanwhile, at the Haunted Mansion, Betty and Sally fought over the particulars of an upcoming family ski trip. Unable and unwilling to deal with Sally's insufferable tween attitude, Betty deposited her in the city with the Drapers before retreating to the slopes with her collection of Cosby sweaters.
In town, Sally and Megan enjoyed a girl's day out with Megan's trashy, table-prowling actress friend. They talked about boys and Sally drank coffee and all in all it was a very grown-up day.
Sally mentioned that she had a boyfriend, and a sad trombone sounded from the heavens when we found out that she was talking about Glen.
Sally invited Glen to visit her in the city on a morning when Megan was out test-driving a new audition dress. She wore her forbidden go-go boots and they went to the museum, where he confessed that in order to keep some bullying schoolmates off his back, he told them he was going into the city to have sex with her. In reality, he said, he really thought of her as a sister.
Mortified, Sally retreated to the bathroom only to discover that she'd started her period. Now horrified, she fled back to the suburbs and into Betty's arms. Glen was left stuck in the city with Megan. Mercifully, he did not ask her for a lock of her hair.
Don offered to take him back to prep school, and the two shared a moment in the elevator when Glen asked a question that could be applied to almost every storyline this season: “Why does everything have to turn out crappy?” It just does, kid. Sometimes it just does.
With one episode remaining, the big question is whose name will wind up on the company letterhead. Sterling Cooper Draper doesn't sound quite right, but Sterling Cooper Draper Holloway has a mighty nice ring to it.
What do you think? Should it be Sterling Cooper Draper Campbell instead?
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