March 28th, 2012
12:35 PM ET
When “the smartest guy” Nick knows, Dirk, arrived as a house guest on Tuesday's "New Girl," the roommates weren't the only ones who benefited from Dirk's "wisdom."
For example, when Dirk hit on CeCe, she admitted that she’s seeing someone - and that she’s the boss. Dirk then called the guy she’s dating her “sex-cretary." New vocab for us!
Except Schmidt didn’t like that nickname very much, and then didn't want to have sex with CeCe. He even told her boobs, “Harold and Kumar," that he’s sorry because they’re not going to White Castle. CeCe was up to do anything, anywhere to seduce him, and they wound up in Schmidt’s “fantasy location No. 3.”
Winston was also having a little communication issue with his girlfriend, Shelby, who was getting ready to go to Mexico for a bachelorette party. He said he thought it would be good for them to have some space, which is of course a no-no. Shelby was mad, and like most guys, Winston didn't understand why.
Dirk explained to Winston that having “space” leaves room for Shelby to have sex with other people, which freaks Winston out. He immediately starts trying to contact Shelby, and leaves the most *charming* voicemail:
“I don’t want space! I want to be standing right in front of you, I want the air that you breathe to be the air coming directly from out of my mouth. I want to just be passing air back and forth between each other until it’s mostly carbon dioxide and we both pass out and die.”
Now that's love, people.
Winston then hopped in Schmidt’s car and headed to Mexico. He had no idea that Schmidt and CeCe were naked in the back of the car. Apparently that was “fantasy location No. 3.”
Meanwhile, Dirk convinced Nick that the one thing missing from his life is college girls, so they throw a college-style party at the apartment and invite a lot of college kids.
Jess’s first date with Fancyman went well, except for the fact that at the end of the date, he gave her a pat on the back. They went out on another date, and Fancyman ended up leaving dinner abruptly which left Jess even more confused.
When Jess came home and saw all the college kids in their apartment, Nick informed her that he loves 20-year-old girls because he’s their “Fancyman.”
“Look at them!" he cried. "They don’t know what 'Saved by the Bell' is and they’ve never felt pain!”
Shelby called Winston to say she's at his apartment, and he spilled that he loves her. When his car is checked at the border as he was headed back home, Winston discovered Schmidt and CeCe naked in the trunk.
Speechless - as we all would be - Winston didn't understand how Schmidt scored a woman like CeCe. He thought the world was upside down. It kind of seemed like he was jealous, to me.
But in the end, everything worked out with Jess and the Fancyman. He came to the apartment to talk to Jess, and told her that he really likes her but hasn’t dated since '89 and has been nervous.
Jess finally got a kiss from her Fancyman while Nick was outside, drunk out of his mind, throwing up and screaming about how lost he is. Hilarious!
Last night’s "New Girl" was my favorite episode of the season, and I saw a lot of "New Girl"-loving Tweeps say the same thing.
The next episode should be very interesting now that Winston knows about Schmidt and CeCe. I can’t wait to see how that plays out!
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