March 7th, 2012
04:59 PM ET
Two years ago, Demi Lovato put her career on pause to seek treatment for "emotional and physical issues," and the 19-year-old singer/actress has said she still's battling those dark moments in recovery.
The teen star left the Jonas Brothers tour early in 2010 to seek help, and she recalls in the MTV documentary "Stay Strong," which aired Tuesday on the network, that she "was not eating, and purging, and self-harming. It was really difficult to be able to stop....I had so many issues underneath that needed to be taken care of, and we just kept putting band-aids over it. It literally ended up driving me insane."
But that was what she faced in private - to the public, she was one of Disney Channel's talented stars, and a potential role model.
"When I first started in the industry, I was with Disney Channel and everyone just kind of made me a role model, and I hated that. I was partying, I was self-medicating, and I was like, you don't know what I'm suffering with, you don't know what I'm dealing with, why would you want your kids to be like me?...I felt like I was living a lie."
Her parents intervened to help her get the treatment she needed, and in January of 2011, Lovato returned home. MTV captures her first Thanksgiving following her time spent seeking help, as well as her first tour since the 2010 concerts with the Jonas Brothers.
The singer admits, "There are days when I don't think I can make it. Now I'm being healthy, but that's the thing. An addition is an addiction, and you're going to deal with it for the rest of your life. And you're going to have days where you're going to struggle. I cannot tell you that I have not thrown up since treatment. I cannot tell you that I haven't cut myself since treatment. I am not perfect. This is a daily battle, that I will face for the rest of my life."
Thankfully, she has her music to help her through.
"Without music," she said, "it would be really, really hard to survive and really, really hard to stay in recovery."
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