February 28th, 2012
01:01 PM ET
Last night's episode of "The Bachelor" brought Ben and the three remaining contestants to Switzerland. As is the case when there are three players left, Ben begins the show by reminiscing about his time with the ladies.
First there's Nicki, who Ben refers to as the "dark horse." I presume this means Nicki is the Newt Gingrich of the competition.
Speaking of horses, Ben then turns to Lindzi, who he describes as "a little bit country, a little bit city." In other words, she's Osmond with a touch of Kardashian.
Then there's Courtney, who Ben says has a "weird magical force" that puts them together. It's called sexual chemistry, especially when they skinny dip.
He also holds her in high regard because she's a "nerd." Speaking as a nerd, I'm having a hard time determining where Courtney would fit on my trivia team.
Our first date of the show features Nicki, and since the two are in the Alps, the happy couple call on the show's favorite mode of transportation - the helicopter, of course - to tour the mountains.
Later, Ben surprises Nicki with a log cabin trip that she describes as "romantic." I'd call it a belated tribute to Abe Lincoln, but what do I know? Ben presents Nicki with a letter from Chris Harrison, who invites the two to spend a night in the "fantasy suite."
Why is Chris inviting Ben and Nicki? Shouldn't Ben be doing the inviting? Nevertheless, Nicki accepts the offer, and the two head off to the suite's hot tub to smooch.
The next day, Ben gets together with Lindzi for what he's calling a date full of "intense fun." By that, he means rappelling 300 feet down a ledge and into a gorge. At this point, the Mrs. opted to take a pass on this date and move on to something else. I'm with my wife on this one but, alas, I must keep going.Ben describes this adventure as a "bonding experience," but I'd call it a good reason to buy adult diapers ahead of the date.
Later that night, Ben and Lindzi have a formal dinner at a really fancy restaurant, and noted fashion plate Ben does his best Bill Nye the Science Guy impression by wearing a bow tie with his suit. The two talk about vulnerability and opening up for what seems to be about four hours when Ben breaks out the "fantasy suite" letter. Lindzi admits that she normally doesn't stay the night with anyone but, given the show needs some kind of a ratings boost, she accepts the invite.
Ben is now taking Courtney out on what he's calling a "very Swiss date." Apparently, such a date involves taking a train, going to the grocery store and having a picnic in a field surrounded by cows. Courtney, wearing a sweater that may have come from Siegfried and Roy's white tiger sanctuary, ponders whether all the bad blood she's caused throughout the season will catch up with her this week. That doesn't seem to be the case for now, as Ben offers Courtney the "fantasy suite" letter, and she accepts.
We take a break from the action to update the public on Emily Maynard, who won the Brad Womack season of "The Bachelor."
She and Brad are no longer together, and now she's been tapped to be the next "Bachelorette" this summer. So what's a woman to do? Why not learn what it takes to be a "Bachelorette" from previous title holders Ashley Hebert and Ali Fedotowsky? Which obviously means having a back-up plan in place, as Ali's no longer with the man she picked on her season while Ashley has yet to walk down the aisle.
The three head to a special screening of "Titanic" in 3-D, where they proceed to talk through the entire film. If this is a preview of what we should expect this summer, I predict Emily's season to be delightfully dull and breathtakingly boring.
Back to Switzerland, where Ben says his worries have been laid to rest. Just then, Kacie B., who was eliminated last week, shows up at Ben's hotel room. Now we know why she didn't do the "Bachelor" media conference call last week.
Kacie says she's come to Switzerland
Kacie then warns Ben that if she chooses Courtney, he'll get his heart broken, as Courtney is "in it to win it." Given that the object of the show is to "win" the heart of Ben, I'm not seeing what the problem is here. Besides, the show's track record on successful relationships is pretty pathetic, so no matter who Ben picks, chances are things won't work out.
It's rose ceremony time, and Ben opts to give Nicki the boot, claiming he had "doubts" the two would become a couple.
Next week, it's the "Women Tell All" episode, which will likely consist of the women bashing Courtney, Ben being accused of having the IQ of a trout, and a few bloopers.
What did you think of last night's "Bachelor" episode?
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