When "The Colbert Report's" production was abruptly suspended last week, due to "unforeseen circumstances," a number of theories as to the cause promptly spread across the Web.
But by Monday, Colbert was back in fine form as promised, and right off the top he addressed his "recent absence from the national conversation."
"As the hub around which the Republic turns, I can understand why the machinery of this great nation ground to a halt last week when you were denied this," he joked, gesturing to his face. "I'm sure you felt the same way I do when I'm in a room with no mirrors."
But on to the "actual rumors from the actual Internets:" There were some, Colbert said, who thought "my show was canceled by the Federal Communications Commission at the request of the Federal Election Commission, because I was about to announce my presidential candidacy." (As an aside, he notes, "Not gonna happen.")
Another "wild" piece of gossip was that he was canceled "because I offended the Catholic church when I compared the Pope's hat to a giant, yet stylish, prophylactic."
And then there were those who thought Colbert was in rehab - "always an attractive option," he joked, "if they have that for Diet Coke."
But before he moved on, Colbert had "one more thing" to add: "Evidently, having 11 children makes you as tough as nails. Confidential to a lovely lady."
It seemed to be a shout-out to his 91-year-old mother, as among the aforementioned silly rumors about Colbert's unexplained absence was a much more serious report that suggested his mother had taken ill. According to Entertainment Weekly, Colbert is the youngest of 11.
The comedian and late night host didn't make any other public remarks about the halt in production, but he did post to his Twitter account Friday, "My family and I would like to thank everyone who has offered their thoughts and prayers. We are grateful and touched by your concern."
Be careful as you might get santorum on your tongue
Wat wat wat
I like Steve & wish his family well, but I still want everyone to know that I can lick my own balls :-)!
Yeah, we know you do..............
I know ur jealous of me. Not all boys can lick there own b@lls. I wld let colbert lick them to. I Richard Fore swear to that.
I'll gladly lick all your balls boys. T0ngue baths are my specialty.
Anyone can lick their own balls if they cut them off first
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