February 7th, 2012
03:15 PM ET
Last night's episode of "The Bachelor" took us to Panama, where there's no sign of Van Halen at all.
Three dates were on tap for Ben and the nine remaining ladies this week - a one-on-one date, a group outing and the dreaded two-on-one, where one or both of the ladies chosen could go home before the date concludes.
Kacie B. gets the one-on-one, and she's told to "pack three things." Courtney the model is hopeful that Ben is thinning the herd, proudly noting that "two things" can occur during the Kacie B. date. Well, Ben could quit the show, so that's a third option right there.
Ben and Kacie get on a helicopter to check out the Panama Canal and...well, that's pretty much it in terms of tourist attractions. The two arrive at a deserted island, where they strip down to their bathing suits and appear to set fire to coconuts.
Kacie also reveals the three things she brought on her trip: a stuffed monkey, a very poor man's Swiss Army knife and candy. If she were actually stuck on this island, she'd be dead in two days.
Back on the mainland, Kacie explains to Ben over dinner that she had an eating disorder in high school. Typically, such an awkward topic would end dinner right there, but Ben doesn't mind at all, complimenting Kacie for being open and giving her a rose.
Six women are on the group date, and Ben takes them to an area where kids in loincloths play soccer. Ben thinks it's cute, but the Mrs. and I cringe a bit. The seven arrive at a remote village, where they're advised change into native clothing.
Courtney the model opts to go bra-less for this, confirming that ABC was really desperate going head-to-head with "The Voice" on NBC.
Ben comes out in a loincloth and praises Courtney for going bra-less. Guess we know who's advancing next week.
Before we go to break, we get more of Courtney and her, uh, censored assets, with what looked to be little kids dancing around. If TV's "family hour" were on life support, Courtney was there to pull the plug.
Once the tribute to "National Geographic" nature documentaries was over, Ben and the ladies settle in poolside (joy, another pool) for the post-date party. Ben admits to Courtney that he's thinking of one body part when it comes to her, and it's likely a part I can't mention by name in a family blog. But at least he's being honest about that.
Once again, the other ladies are annoyed with Courtney, but admit they could be a bit more aggressive when dealing with Ben. Courtney responds by getting aggressive herself, stripping down to her bathing suit and cavorting in the pool in front of Ben, who's talking to Jamie about something or another.
Admittedly, Jamie appears to be boring Ben to tears with her chatter, so I can't blame Courtney for making things interesting.
In the end, Ben gives Lindzi the horse fan the rose.
When it's two-on-one date time, Blakeley and Rachel are the ones picked to go out with Ben. Blakeley is quite confident she'll advance. Frankly, she's New England Patriots confident.
Ben takes the ladies to a nightclub to learn how to salsa dance. Blakeley believes she's the superior dancer, while Rachel is hopeful that Ben will save the last dance for her. One thing we can all agree on - both ladies are far superior dancers than Ben, who has the dancing skills of a coat rack.
Later that night, the three head to a restaurant that appears to be covered wall-to-wall in circa-1970s bathroom tile. Blakeley goes all out in trying to win over Ben, presenting him with a scrapbook of their time on the show. Ben is apparently not into those kinds of hobbies, as he opts to dump Blakeley to the curb and keep Rachel.
It's the day of the rose ceremony, and Chris Harrison drops by the ladies' suite with an announcement. Actually, it's a request.
Does he have to use the bathroom because the toilet in his room doesn't work? No, he asks Casey S. to join him for a private chat. For those who don't remember Casey S., she's a trading clerk from Kansas who may be Courtney's only ally in the competition.
Chris says that it was brought to his attention by "three different people in the United States" that Casey has a boyfriend named Michael and is in love with him. Chris notes that the show contacted Michael, who claimed he and Casey were still a couple. Casey responded that the two were no longer together, but then admitted that a part of her still loves Michael.
Casey then tells Chris that she should be in therapy. You and the rest of the cast, Casey.
After telling Casey to take the semantics out of it (not shown to viewers: Casey learning the definition of "semantics"), Chris says it's time to bring Ben into the conversation. Unfortunately, it appears that Chris wasn't told where Ben's room is, so there's an awkward moment where Chris and Casey appear to be walking around the hotel for far too long, searching for Ben's room.
We finally reach Ben's suite, where Casey admits she may have used the show to break away from her ex-boyfriend, but that she may not be completely over him. Ben chastises Casey for not being honest with him, and eliminates her from the show. Chris later emphasizes to Casey (and the audience) that she wasn't trying to deceive anybody and had good intentions, but that she needs to work out her issues.
With two women already gone, Ben only had to eliminate one more contestant. That contestant was Jamie, whose attempt to show a more provocative side at the cocktail party blew up in her face.
Next week, Ben and the six remaining women head to Belize, where a round of "Courtney vs. everyone else" begins.
What did you think of last night's "Bachelor" episode?
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