Ricky Gervais, beer in hand, opened the 69th annual Golden Globe awards with his typical style of humor, but this time he fired at the more easy targets, like Kim Kardashian.
"So, where was I?" Gervais said as he took the stage, assuring the anxious-looking audience not to worry. "Nervous? Don’t be. This isn’t about you."
He continued, "The Golden Globes are just like the Oscars, but without all that esteem. The Golden Globes are to the Oscars what Kim Kardashian is to Kate Middleton....A bit louder, a bit trashier, a bit drunker. And more easily bought. Allegedly, nothing’s been proved."
"Who needs the Oscars?" he went on. "Not me, and not Eddie Murphy. He said no, and good for him. But when the man who said yes to 'Norbit' says no to you, you’re in trouble."
Oh, and "a bit of trivia: Eddie Murphy and Adam Sandler between them played all the parts in the movie 'The Help.'" (If you looked out in the audience at that moment, you could see "Help" stars Viola Davis and Octavia Spencer were none too impressed with that wisecrack.)
And then Gervais broke down the rules he'd been handed by the Hollywood Foreign Press Association: no profanity (which is fine, since he's got a "big vocabulary"); no nudity (a shame, since he has a big vocabulary....and a "tiny penis," but hey, it works, he assured the audience); no libel; and no mentioning of Mel Gibson.
"Especially not Jodie Foster’s 'Beaver,'" Gervais said. "I haven’t seen it myself. I’ve spoken with a lot of guys here, they haven’t seen it either, but that doesn’t mean it’s not any good."
And with a few more cracks about Justin Bieber's paternity lawsuit controversy, another about Kim Kardashian's 72-day marriage (again, an easy target), and one that landed against the HFPA, Gervais handed off the mic to the first presenter, Johnny Depp.
So far, we have four winners: Christopher Plummer nabbed best supporting actor for his work in "Beginners"; Laura Dern won best actress in a TV musical or comedy for "Enlightened"; "Downton Abbey" won the best TV mini-series or movie Golden Globe; and Kate Winslet won best actress in a TV mini-series or movie for "Mildred Pierce."
What did you think of Gervais' opening monologue?
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These trolls be annoying. Just cuz I like to pump my buddies plump rump with my little stump, it doesn't make me a chump! I luv them big ol meaty jig-a-boo sausages!! See ya fools!
I hope th network lefts up on him and turns him loose next year! He is still funny but could be funnier!
At least it wasn't as ridiculous as the thing Adam Sandler did after receiving his People's Choice award.
i didnt even know the golden globes were on... its a shame gervais is great!
you didn't miss anything–he sucked this year. Lame jokes about Kim Kardashian and Justin Bieber.
@sockpuppet- why don't you take your trolling to wyww blog where the rest of the losers are
some idiot troll likes to change his name to whomever he is harassing–it's not me.
Not really pleased with the show. RG didn't do the damage that all Hollywood was prepared for. He was way too easy on them. I found it rather boring after a while and this was only re-confirmed after Madonna trotted on stage and tried to steal the show. What a drag waste of air time, and to have to watch her face lean to the left and lips lean to right was disturbing. I found the presenters a little too stiff for the evening, and a true disappointment that Brad Pitt didn't win.
There is a fine line between adult humor and trashy humor. His humor is funny sometimes, but bathroom humor is not classy or appropriate for this kind of Award night. Looking at some of the faces as the camera played around the ballroom at the Beverly Hilton, they weren't smiling. I turned him off after Biebers big laugh for himself, and turned it back on to listen to the classy people following him. Fortunately he stayed down for the rest of the great presentation.
Not anything like as good as last year...what happened to freedom of speech in this country...get over worrying about hurting these pompous ass celebrities/alleged stars....make them squirm...they do deserve it. Turn Ricky loose next time and no rules if you want some real laughs !!!!
people wonder why we have drug addicts, teen pregnancy, suicide, rape...take a look at who is influencing our children? I do not allow my children to watch or listen to that kind of music or TV or movies but some parents do. The music glorifys being a possession to a man, allowing a man to speak to you and treat you like a wh*re, and women rap about men like they are objects. "stars" glorify drinking and drugs and then when they are caught they pay no consequence? how does that show our children to behave? I know parents are responsbile for raising their children but you and I both know children are impressionable and will emulate what they see and how much fun it looks like. I am disgusted by what is allowed on the radio and television.
Don't know why he accepted the gig with such a clear gag order in place. He's way too good for the like of the foreign press
I think this guy is overrated.
lame jokes, lot of background noise, long walks to the stage punctuated by weird music,too many long thank yous and really unfunny moments–but hey these are entertainers not big thinkers who repeat words others write and act as others dictate-so what more can we expect?
I thin the 'weird' music was usually the theme from the movie/show the awardee was being awarded for. In some cases the music was less than celebratory, but you can understand why they would play the soundtrack from the applicable show, right?
Funny? No. Irritating? Yes! The guy's a big comedy ZERO. Getting stung by bees is more entertaining than seeing/listening to this colossal buffoon.
Tota;;y awasome!!! The best "real" joke was about Kim K,.
Ricky is a funny guy. The GG's have never been so good. He's the Don Rickles of England. I hate that he had to "tone" himself down. He can take as good as he gives too.
LETFREEDOMRING2, I agrees with you.
No wonder out enemies think we are a society of disgusting hedonistic fools. We show that side of our character by allowing people like Ricky run the show up front.
Bob Hope and Johnny Carson we miss you terribly.
your sense of humor is pittiful – bet you didn't like Don Rickles either .... don't take it so seriously
I miss Hope and Carson too but they only did The Oscars.
The young people watching the clown Gerbel or whatever see him being praised by the crowd as he drinks booze on camera.
They hear Clooney say that he must give Pitt back his cane or Pitt cannot make it to the bar.
These folks extol as virtues getting boozed up.
They set a rotten example for the youth of the world and America in particular.
They are to be condemned for that but the lame stream media will not do that.
Parents should be careful about letting their children be polluted by these overdressed overpaid talented devils.
Meanwhile Brad is still working on rebuild New Orleans. Quite shameful that. To suggest that an award show that also doubles as a party shouldn't have drinking or suggests someone lifestyle is a joke. Honestly, your worried about influencing kids, why don't you go out and ban superbowl ads for beer. Yeah, that's what I thought.
Pitt was recently injured and is walking with a cane. That wasn't a comment on his sobriety. Do five seconds of research before getting so snide, please.
Man I don't even CARE anymore but show was definitly racialist because no black presenters just some token tom awards. The brothers not respected.
Sidney Potier, Paula Paxson, Idris Elba( Winner), Octavia Spencer (winner), Morgan Freeman (Special Award). These to nane a few.
Your list is terrible at best. Elba is a foreigner. Sidney Poitier is from years ago, and the only real artist in the lot. Morgan Freeman makes his living playing the "magical n_ g ro" (google it) and Octavia won for playing the black maid. and just who is Paula Paxson?
ricky gervais is so funny. i watch the show because of him not jolie, or brad. however, some of the jokes got cut off. grrr...
Hey jan have u ever heard of sarcasm
They call me sockpuppet cuz I cover my dong. It sticks straight up and bring it along! My buddy pulls it off and starts to yank, next thing you know I be pumpin Hank! We be gay and we be freaks, we iz just some fruity geeks!
so what, are you jealous?
Jig-a-boo. Jig-a-boo. Jig-a-boo. I luv u!! Pump me full of your manboy spoo. Salty and thick...it makes me crazy. Now I just sit home and get crammed....dam lazy!!
total fail o Ricky's part, and I am a fan of his. Kim Kardashian, Justin Bieber jokes, really? I hope he didn't get paid for his 10 minutes of non-work. He didn't even try.
Ricky be a big ol fruit. Dat fairy just wants to pound your pooper! He will pack your fudge so tight, u be walkin bowleggd for a week!! Ricky will schlob your knob and polish it up. Jig-a-boos got da monster-sized peters and they be rockin my world!!
Thank you, Ms.Grace.
I hit da blunt and get all blazed and when I'm done my buddy gets razed! I pump his rump and rock dat coq...I just wanna play with them pocket rocks! Bring it you fairies!!
Madonna and Ricky had the best banter.
Hey, genius, "banter"? They never spoke two words to each other. One said his thing when he was on stage and the other said her stuff when she was on stage (and he was off). You might want to look up the word 'cus communication is everything.
Too tame but Ricky rocks. He's so funny. Love the blunt, in your face British humor.
"Blunt" and "in your face" is British humor?
Love how Ricky keeps it real, saying things that make the "stars" cringe in their little world.
A lot of his "jokes" last year would have made anyone of any class cringe in horror. He picked on old people for being old and recovering drug addicts for being losers. Hilarious! He wasn't funny, just cruel. He was amusing this year.
He was WAY to tame.......I have watched the entire show, hoping he would start blasting the stars.....and nothing.
And where is the "In Memoriam"........for those who have passed.
Very tacky HFPA....VERY Tacky
Please Bring back last year's Ricky Gervais. Boring very sad that they were able to control him like this.
You mean control him for making the most obvious-and-so-unfunny jokes of last year, crushing the easy targets (old people and recovering recovering drug addicts)? That's not humor, that's just rude cruelty. When you were a kid (now?), I'll bet you found amusement out of setting cats on fire and throwing rocks at dogs.
I agree Dew H. I guess people like John are more appreciative of those who would dole out sycophantic praise to all of these smug, self-congratulatory "artists."
I so agree!!!! He whimped out – he was hardly ever on. What a big scam!!
did John really mean to say "recovering recovering adicts"? If so, that was REALLY funny and very appropriate...
Kat, you're an ignorant wh0re.
I like the kim k comparision to kate m! Lol
It was a short monologue, funny but seemed quite tame compared to previous years. Overall the globes are a yawn fest so far, bring Ricky back before I fall asleep!
Johnny Depp looked like a cleaned up pirate... or did that cleaned up pirate look like Johnny Depp?
It was fine...but it didn't make me laugh out loud like it did last year. Definitely tamed.
Ricky rocked the house agan this year! -Art
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