January 15th, 2012
08:26 PM ET
Ricky Gervais, beer in hand, opened the 69th annual Golden Globe awards with his typical style of humor, but this time he fired at the more easy targets, like Kim Kardashian.
"So, where was I?" Gervais said as he took the stage, assuring the anxious-looking audience not to worry. "Nervous? Don’t be. This isn’t about you."
He continued, "The Golden Globes are just like the Oscars, but without all that esteem. The Golden Globes are to the Oscars what Kim Kardashian is to Kate Middleton....A bit louder, a bit trashier, a bit drunker. And more easily bought. Allegedly, nothing’s been proved."
"Who needs the Oscars?" he went on. "Not me, and not Eddie Murphy. He said no, and good for him. But when the man who said yes to 'Norbit' says no to you, you’re in trouble."
Oh, and "a bit of trivia: Eddie Murphy and Adam Sandler between them played all the parts in the movie 'The Help.'" (If you looked out in the audience at that moment, you could see "Help" stars Viola Davis and Octavia Spencer were none too impressed with that wisecrack.)
And then Gervais broke down the rules he'd been handed by the Hollywood Foreign Press Association: no profanity (which is fine, since he's got a "big vocabulary"); no nudity (a shame, since he has a big vocabulary....and a "tiny penis," but hey, it works, he assured the audience); no libel; and no mentioning of Mel Gibson.
"Especially not Jodie Foster’s 'Beaver,'" Gervais said. "I haven’t seen it myself. I’ve spoken with a lot of guys here, they haven’t seen it either, but that doesn’t mean it’s not any good."
And with a few more cracks about Justin Bieber's paternity lawsuit controversy, another about Kim Kardashian's 72-day marriage (again, an easy target), and one that landed against the HFPA, Gervais handed off the mic to the first presenter, Johnny Depp.
So far, we have four winners: Christopher Plummer nabbed best supporting actor for his work in "Beginners"; Laura Dern won best actress in a TV musical or comedy for "Enlightened"; "Downton Abbey" won the best TV mini-series or movie Golden Globe; and Kate Winslet won best actress in a TV mini-series or movie for "Mildred Pierce."
What did you think of Gervais' opening monologue?
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