January 6th, 2012
11:05 AM ET
After making the most of their short time in Florence - by spending each day cooped up inside their house (drunk) - the “Jersey Shore” cast heads back to Seaside Heights at the start of season 5.
Snooki chases a celebratory shot with pickle juice from the jar while Pauly D kisses his passport, vowing never to leave the U.S. again.
The irony that their baggage - er luggage - is strewn across the main floor of the shore house isn’t lost on us. And it begins.
When they visit the T-shirt shop, their boss Danny says he’s never seen them so pale. So, after some much needed GTL, the gang ventures to Captain Hooks where their friends and family wait to surprise them.
In addition to Snooki’s boyfriend Jionni, JWoww’s boyfriend/personal trainer Roger, and, of course, the infamous Uncle Nino, The Situation’s friend Unit is there. You might remember hearing Unit’s name mentioned last season. (Sitch spread a rumor that Unit was calling Jionni to tell him about Snooki and Sitch’s fling.) Naturally, drama ensues.
It becomes clear to a few of the roommates - and anyone else watching, for that matter - that Snooki and The Situation did, in fact, hook up.
Snooki spends the better part of her evening yelling expletives at Unit, along with this effective gem: “Your name is [expletive] Unit!”
Though, as most people might agree, it’s best not to mess with someone who has you by the … poof.
Back at the house, Sammi hits the confessional to address Mike’s “gay tendencies,” which include watching Unit undress and offering him pajamas. “Mike normally wifes up his grenades this way,” Sam says. But Unit and his abs of steel didn’t seem to mind.
While everyone else is partying, Vinny is down in the dumps. Homesick and sleep deprived, all he wants to do is be with his family. Ronnie even - unsuccessfully - offers to get him a stripper or a hooker to lift his, um, spirits.
And so, Vin decides to go home.
The first episode of the season bordered on been there, done that, thanks to Snooki and Mike’s incessant bickering. Their feuding might be even less enjoyable than the Ron and Sam Show from previous seasons.
On the bright side, we learned something new last night: Watermelon is a key ingredient in Ron Ron juice, the red mixture Ronnie is always blending. Perhaps MTV will bestow a new ingredient each episode so we can enjoy an ice-cold glass of Ron Ron juice while we watch the train wreck we call “Jersey Shore.”
What did you think of last night’s episode?
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