October 11th, 2011
11:45 AM ET
"Dancing With the Stars" was a tribute to movie scores, and what better way to start Monday's show than by explaining to viewers what a score is through dance?
Yeah, I can probably think of four or five better ways myself. Seriously, ABC could have cut this episode by 30 minutes instead of having the pros run around with light sabers.
Now on to the actual show, and Chynna Phillips is first up. Her mission, if she chooses to accept it, is to dance a tango to the "Mission: Impossible" theme. Will Chynna self-destruct in two minutes? Unfortunately, the answer is "yes."
She looked lost throughout the dance, appearing to panic midway into the routine. She admitted to co-host Brooke Burke Charvet that she simply "blanked out" on the dance floor, and struggled to get back into rhythm.
The judges awarded her with curiously high scores. Either they're grading on a curve, or training to judge a boxing title fight.
Chynna Phillips: 21/30 (Carrie Ann Inaba 7, Len Goodman 7, Bruno Tonioli 7)
David Arquette is up next, and he's performing a paso doble to "Raiders of the Lost Ark." He literally swung on to the dance floor, but he lost points with me for taking his hat off - Indiana Jones would never do that. He also showed off his disturbing body art again. Nevertheless, this may have been his best dance, outside of a poor slide at the end of the routine. He's definitely made great strides from his one-dimensional routines early in the season.
David received some praise for his entertaining dance, but the male judges, Len Goodman in particular, critiqued him on technique.
David Arquette: 23/30 (Inaba 8, Goodman 7, Tonioli 8 )
The pro dancers return for another tribute to movie scores. Time to check the Lions-Bears game.
Back to the show, and Carson Kressley is doing a Viennese waltz to "Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl." As expected, Carson came to the dance floor dressed like a pirate. Unfortunately, he looked more like Peter Pan's older brother than an actual pirate.
There was plenty of derring-do in Carson's dance with Anna Trebunskaya (can't go wrong with a mini-sword fight), and Carson's looking more confident as the weeks go by. But the fashion guru seemed to regress to his earlier routines this week - all pizzazz, no technique.
Len Goodman said the routine reminded him of "childbirth" - painful when it happened, joyful when it was over. As someone whose wife recently experienced the miracle of childbirth, I'd like to note that if I could describe the childbirth process, "a Carson Kressley waltz" is not how I would describe it.
The judges' strange scoring continued, as Carson got a lower score than Chynna. On this show, forgetting your routine is not as bad as having no rhythm.
Carson Kressley: 20/30 (Inaba 7, Goodman 6, Tonioli 7)
HLN's Nancy Grace is our next celebrity to take the stage. Did "The Verdict" or "The Firm" have quality scores? Scratch those thoughts, as she performs a paso doble to a Queen song from "Flash Gordon." If you gave me a thousand guesses, I would have never picked that movie for Nancy.
Nancy prepares for her routine by combing Tristan MacManus' chest hair. Give her a point for supporting quality grooming habits! Unfortunately, the routine looked, shall we say, different. With fireballs shooting into the air and faux Freddie Mercurys screaming at the top of their lungs, it was like an extremely bad '80s heavy metal video. My wife called the whole dance "weird," and I'm wondering if I'll ever be able to watch "Flash Gordon" again.
The judges warned Nancy that she didn't appear to show much interest in the audience and the performance, but complimented her on her improving technique. Somehow, Nancy remembered her routine and was still tied with Chynna.
Nancy Grace: 21/30 (Inaba 7, Goodman 7, Tonioli 7)
We're now up to Hope Solo, and she's performing a foxtrot to the music of "Toy Story." Partner Maksim Chmerkovskiy enters the dance floor looking like Woody on HGH. Nevertheless, the two perform a simple dance that delights the crowd. For the first time in this competition, Hope stayed away from the overpowering body motions that likely have turned away some voters.
The judges praised Hope for having fun during her routine, but Grumpy Len warned her that if she wants to win it all, she'll need to show more commitment to practice.
Hope Solo: 24/30 (Inaba 8, Goodman 8, Tonioli 8 )
Rob Kardashian is next, and he's performing a paso doble to the "Superman" theme. The dance was entertaining but, like Carson, it appeared that Rob regressed at times. He let Cheryl Burke do much of the dirty work at key moments, and his movements looked robotic in spots.
Carrie Ann Inaba praised Rob for being "fluid" throughout his routine, but Grumpy Len had none of it, saying the dance needed more drama. Bruno Tonioli urged Rob to work on his confidence.
The judges' scores, once again, seemed a bit out there. How in the world did Rob and Hope get the same score?
Rob Kardashian: 24/30 (Inaba 8, Goodman 8, Tonioli 8 )
Ricki Lake takes the dance floor next, performing a tango to "Psycho." Not sure what Alfred Hitchcock would think about one of his films being performed as a dance.
Nevertheless, Ricki and Derek Hough seemed to be at ease during their performance, again showing why Ricki is the favorite to win this season. They didn't appear to make any noticeable mistakes throughout the routine.
The judges agreed, with two of them awarding Ricki the first 10s of the season.
Ricki Lake: 29/30 (Inaba 10, Goodman 9, Tonioli 10)
We're now up to Chaz Bono, who's ready to come back strong, performing a paso doble to Bill Conti's theme from the original "Rocky." But does he have the eye of the tiger?
The dance is on, and it appears that someone lit a fire under Chaz's backside. He's showing a lot more energy than he has in recent weeks, and the crowd, including mama Cher, couldn't be happier. Even Grumpy Len is impressed, complimenting Chaz for his "best dance yet."
Still, the judges awarded Chaz the same score as Chynna who - all together now - forgot her routine.
Chaz Bono: 21/30 (Inaba 7, Goodman 7, Tonioli 7)
J.R. Martinez is the last dancer of the night, and he's doing a complete 180 from his emotional routine from last week. He's doing a foxtrot to Henry Mancini's iconic "Pink Panther" theme.
As Inspector Clouseau, J.R. was a much better lead than Steve Martin, Roberto Benigni or Ted Wass (sorry, J.R., but no one will top Peter Sellers). His foxtrot was so flawless and smooth, I had the urge to go to the hardware store and buy fiberglass insulation.
But one judge didn't seem to gel with J.R. Carrie Ann Inaba said the dance was just "okay," adding that she didn't understand why there was humor in the dance. Given that "The Pink Panther," its sequels and remakes were COMEDIES, I would expect some humor in a "Pink Panther" dance. I thought her mediocre work hosting GSN's "1 vs. 100" taught Carrie Ann that cerebral thinking wasn't her forte - guess I was incredibly wrong.
J.R. Martinez: 26/30 (Inaba 8, Goodman 9, Tonioli 9)
What did you think of last night's "Dancing With the Stars" show? Who do you think will be eliminated tonight?
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