September 15th, 2011
04:08 PM ET
There’s an age-old adage that says, “When you talk trash about people you don’t want them to see you.”
OK, so maybe I lied about that being a work of ancient scripture, but it rings true today and seems to be the underlying theme of CW’s “H8R ” (and an actual quote from one of the show’s “characters").
Here’s the skinny: Mario Lopez hosts a show where celebs and their biggest haters are forced to confront each other with the hope that the celeb will be able to convince his/her detractor otherwise. In some cases it works and in some cases, well, I guess haters gon’ hate.
Anyway, to better break this whole thing down, I’ve divided this recap into categories. The first three come from the show; the last three are of my own creation. The “Hater Quotable” is the best line of the night, and the “Biggest Loser” goes to the person who comes out of the confrontation looking worse off than before. Last but not least is the “Hater Scale,” which grades – on a scale of 1 to 10 – whether this anti-hating exchange accomplished anything.
Nick vs. Snooki
The Hater: Nick who hates “Jersey Shore’s” Snooki and thinks “her birth was a hate-crime to Italians.” His words, not mine.
The Ambush: Snooki shows up at a pool parlor where Nick is hanging out. Nick’s clearly shocked and at a loss for all of the kind words he had for Snooki with the exception of gems like, “You’re the one who got arrested and wrote a s--y book.”
Getting to Know Each Other: Nothing like a trip to the local grocery store to get to know someone. Snooki wants to convert Nick from “a hater to a lover.” While they trade a few barbs here and there, it seems like they might actually be warming up to each other. What’s not to love about Snooki when she blesses one with culinary knowledge, like the advice she gives Nick for Sunday making dinner: “You have to have a pickle.” Word.
Hater Quotable: “Even if I walk in with nothing on, I’m still a good person.” - Snooki to Nick’s mom.
Biggest Loser: No one. Nick and his family warm up to Snooks, even going as far to insist she be called by her real name, Nicole. Hate her or love her, somehow Snooki just keeps winning.
Hater Scale: 8. Nick was a real hater and in one way or another, Snooki converted him to the House of GTL. Point, Snooki.
Danielle vs. Jake Pavelka
The Hater: Twenty-year-old Danielle believes everything she reads in the tabloids about “The Bachelor’s” Jake Pavelka.
The Ambush: While lying out at the pool, Jake and Mario come up with a plan for the reality star to introduce himself in ridiculous ways. Poolside military push-ups anyone? Unlike our previous hater Nick, Danielle only seems more annoyed and angry by Jake’s presence.
Getting to Know Each Other: Jake takes Danielle flying to “The Bachelor” pad and all in all, our little hater is not impressed. Even after Jake pulls the daddy issues card and breaks down in front Danielle, she fires back, “Right now you’re trying to persuade my opinion of your image. You’re telling me everything I want to hear or everything you want to come across as.” Ouch.
Hater Quotable: “I’m just being real!” - Danielle to a hapless Jake, said more than once.
Biggest Loser: Tough call. Danielle seems like she’s just angry in general. Being mad doesn’t look good on anyone, and I’m not sure Danielle’s anger solely stems from Jake. On the other hand, Jake took the easy route in getting to know her, making his last-ditch emotional moment seem more contrived than genuine.
Hater Scale: Negligible. Nobody comes out on top here.
This is a "reality" show, but of course, that's a relative term. Snooki's showdown with Nick seemed (relatively) more realistic and honest than Jake Pavelka's face-off with Danielle. That one ended up overproduced, not to mention forced.
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