September 5th, 2011
09:45 AM ET
Another episode down and one to go. We’ve got a lot of ground to cover as last night’s whopping 29-minute precursor to the finale offered up major developments that I’m not sure one more episode can resolve. (Or can it?)
Vince still won’t give up on Miss Sophia, and decides to make a DVD featuring interviews with all of his old flames, asking, “What’s your best memory of our relationship?”
With answers like, “Umm, what’s this movie rated,” you’d have to wonder if sending a visual version of your little black book to the girl you like is actually a good idea. The guys seem to find it creepy, with the exception of Turtle aka the Francis Ford Coppola of iMovie.
Meanwhile, Vince is on another mission to get his Drama-starring miner feature up and running. Seeing as Drama went on strike over “Johnny Bananas,” Phil and the folks at CBS aren’t the biggest fans of him regardless of how many sweet cookies he sends their way.
Vince calls Ari, who admittedly hasn’t been on his game. He also hasn't actually read the script for his client’s potential TV masterpiece. That's understandable, considering he's got Melissa Gold (after everything she’s done I refuse to say “Mrs”) breaking his heart and Dana Gordon begging for its attention. Honestly, who wouldn’t rather see the "power couple" of Ari and Dana emerge over the potential reunion of the Golds? Ari, you might love your wife, but Ms. Gordon’s a keeper.
Speaking of reunions, E’s hard at work looking at pics of him and Sloan’s happier days. Almost on cue, he’s interrupted by Scott who apparently has a huge project for Johnny Galecki. Of course, because of Galecki's rumored romance with Sloan, E wants nothing to do with him.
Per usual, E gets all emo and hits Scott with lines like, “You’re here because I threw away my marriage to start a company with you,” when really he’s just not over his ex-boo. At any rate, he threatens to leave the company if Scott doesn’t fire Galecki.
Over in Turtle’s world the DeLucas pair have decided they love a bigger, more expensive location over the one our boy had in mind. Oh, and they have no intention of putting any money down on the $100,000 deposit and insist Turtle reach out to his investors for more. “This is the place or there is no place,” they tell Turtle.
If this show takes away all of Turtle’s women and money and leaves him with nothing, I don’t know if I could forgive the creators. I’ll also be eating my words in a few paragraphs.
And what you can’t say in words, you put on camera and have a fedora-rocking Drama swing by Vanity Fair’s offices and drop off for you. Sophia tells Drama her last boyfriend was some Johns Hopkins super surgeon. “Surgeon? He probably didn’t have the time to treat you right.” Point, Drama!
“This job, Vince – it’s all I got.” Ari’s in his office having a moment with Lloyd after reading Vince’s miner script. The look of defeat in his eyes only lasts a few more seconds before he heads to the boardroom for one of his patented, “You all suck until you get me what I want,” speeches with the TV department. I’m going to miss these moments. Turns out Drama isn’t an easy sell for the miners flick even though the folks at CBS seem to love everything else about it. No worries, Ari’s got a plan!
In sadder news, Turtle’s plan isn’t quite working out. Sal the Restaurateur is reaching out to all of his athlete investors asking for more money. He also spots Sloan at the farmer’s market with Galecki and calls E, who is in bed with Melinda. (C’mon, son.)
So what does E do? Throw his clothes on and head off to confront his old flame. Dumb.
Over at Phil’s office, Vince is professing his love of Sophia to Ari, who tells him if he really feels the way does about her, “You fight for it.” Makes you wonder if he’s going go out fighting for Melissa Gold. I’m hoping it’s just the good advice we should all take.
Ari and Vince cut Phil’s massage short to talk business. Phil’s pissed because Drama walked out on him – making a grown man mad enough to smash a bag of delectable cookies. What’s it going to take to get Drama’s movie made? Just a $100,000 charitable donation to Phil’s foundation for German Shepherds. Sometimes you’ve got to pay your family’s way to success – that’s love.
Turtle is getting no love from his investors. From Mark Teixeira and A-Rod to Amare Stoudemire and Mike Strahan, everyone has a similar message for Sal, one that we can’t write on this family blog. To make matters worse, Avion has gone public, meaning Turtle and Vince lost out on millions of dollars when they bought out their shares.
Things could be worse. You could be E, who decides to confront Sloan and Galecki with Melinda at his side. More often than not I find myself wanting to jump through my TV and knock some sense into Kevin Connolly’s character. Nothing personal, Kev. And don’t worry about firing Galecki, he’s just fired you. You called Emmanuelle Chriqui a slut to her face? You’re dead to me E.
To continue with our theme of men behaving badly in the presence of great women, we have Ari breaking Dana’s heart. He’s still in love with Melissa. “I’m sad Ari, but you’re honest, so how can I be mad?” We love you Dana. That is all.
Ring. Ring. Sophia somehow gets the wrong number for Vince and calls Turtle, who tells her about how much of an amazing friend his buddy is, and that he’s never seen him so smitten with a woman before in his life. Sophia agrees to meet Vince later for a drink.
Yeah, another victory for Vince and still no love for Turtle. But wait, no so fast. A teary-eyed Jerry Ferrara is pretty damn convincing and the hurt look on his face was almost hard to watch until Vince drops the bomb. He never sold his stock in Avion and even bought Turtle’s shares, making him a millionaire. Best. Friend. Ever.
But as far as the Dumbest. Friend. Ever? That award goes to E, who confronts Sloan outside of her house and tells her he wants to get back together. Not going to happen.
Not to mention, Sloan is pregnant. She tells E, “As much as you think I’m a slut, I haven’t been with anyone but you, so it’s yours.” To add a little more salt to the wound, Sloan says she’s still going to New York and doesn’t need or want anything from E. Ouch.
We’re one away from the end, and while the majority of you have panned this season and the show, there are still some intriguing storylines as we near the finish line. Has Vince found “the one”? Has Drama finally made it? Which woman will Ari "fight for"? How will E’s baby momma drama pan out?
Something tells me a movie might better answer these questions than the forthcoming finale, but who knows.
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