August 29th, 2011
12:42 PM ET
I’d like to start this recap with a quote from Turtle circa season one: “I don’t know about the after life, but this life is sweeeet.”
That was 2004.
Seven years later, our boys have grown up. Last night’s “The Big Bang” (co-written by Jerry Ferrara) taught us that, for better or worse, these guys aren’t the same crew who spent off-days looking for weed at Val Kilmer’s house.
From the "Johnny Banana’s" strike and E’s step-mother-loving ways to the big reveal that is Mrs. Ari’s real name, we’ve got a full plate.
Drama is on strike and that means the old Billy Walsh is back wearing a pirate suit at a birthday party, threatening Drama’s life if he doesn’t end his hold put. Oh, how we miss the Billy of seasons’ past who blessed us with gems like, “I have a mortgage, five kids and no maple syrup!”
You’d hate to see Drama self-sabotage his career again, as we - and apparently his therapist - have seen all seen. But wait, here’s Lloyd to save the day.
My colleague and "Ento" enthusiast brought up an excellent point last week: Where in the Sam hell is Lloyd?
Rex Lee gets his marquee sign and credit in the show’s intro, but seemingly disappeared from the show. Lloyd reminds Drama it took nearly two decades to get to “Johnny Bananas,” and throwing it all away would be a mistake. Drama still won’t budge, and he and Phil have it out over the phone. Phil says he'll kill the show and the Vince/Drama miner movie if Drama continues to hold out.
Well, leave it to Andrew Dice Clay to chat with Phil and apparently get the show back on track. “Victory?” We’ll see.
Turtle the Restaurateur
Always looking to prove he can be successful without Vince, Turtle has the Don Peppe crew in town for business. These folks kind of remind me of those family members you hate to love.
The Royal Couple of Italian food is more interested in meeting celebs than hearing Turtle’s business plan. “Do you know anyone on Glee?” On top of that it’s too early to talk biz - wifey wants to get to the Lakers game so she can meet Jack Nicholson. Here’s hoping that sooner or later, folks will take Turtle seriously.
Vince versus Vanity Fair
Over at the Vanity Fair shoot where models play ping pong as much as they share beauty tips, Vince is worried.
And with good reason. He lands on the cover of the magazine as an “insecure womanizer.” Vince wants to track down Sofia and plead the case that he’s a caring man. (Not sure about that one.)
“I opened up to you and you mocked me,” Vince tells Sofia.
“I’m just a journalist you don’t know who won’t sleep with you.” Touché. Finally - the Vince needed.
Eric the Ex-Stepmother Lover
Eric is ignoring Melinda Clarke’s calls, even though she apparently landed a spot in a new J.J. Abrams show. Melinda was so smitten with E’s managerial and bedroom skills that she bought him a $300,000 car.
“You gave me a car for sex?!”
Of course not, Silly. “The car was for the show, I’m sending you something else for the sex,” Melinda fires back.
Oh and look, Johnny Galecki is back. He’s been hanging with Sloan, which makes E worried they’re doing more than talking about him behind his back. As always, it's clear that E isn’t over Sloan, and it’s eating at him. He threatens to fire Galecki, or walk out on Scott and the agency.
I’ve always said, behind every great man is a great woman, and behind every great man’s downfall is a woman. If this isn’t the truest statement ever, it’s definitely the story of E’s life. Think it’s about time the E-mpire strikes back.
Last, but not least, we seeing the impenetrable shield of Ari Gold’s ego chip away, piece by piece, thanks to his failed marriage. Ari wants to know “What’s the worst that could happen?”
“When things get ugly, all bets are off,” Ari’s lawyer tells him of his impending legal battle.
Mrs. Ari could possibly seek full custody of the children, oh, and control of his super agency. Ari’s fate lays in the hands of Mrs. Ari and Babs. Obviously destroyed by the idea that he could lose everything, Ari visits the house where Mrs. Ari is prepping dinner with Bobby Flay. After a heated exchange between Ari and the grill master, one of the many questions we’ve been asking for seven years is answered.
Mrs. Ari’s real name is…Melissa. Ok, now that’s out of the way, what the hell is Turtle’s real name?!
Updated at 2:30 p.m.: Apparently Turtle's name - Sal - was revealed during season 5. Thanks, commenters!
What do you guys think? We’re only a couple of episodes away from the end of the show. And possible movie?
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