August 25th, 2011
09:52 AM ET
Ashton Kutcher tried to be low key about his new job as the other "Man" on "Two and a Half Men" - we're assuming he's not the half, but we could be wrong - when he appeared on "The Late Show with David Letterman" Wednesday, but Letterman was having none of it.
The veteran late night host worked Kutcher over for details, but the 33-year-old actor (who, of course, landed on the CBS sitcom after Charlie Sheen was fired) tried to play coy. (Despite the fact that he was on a late night talk show....where he'd be asked questions about the show. Why do actors do these things?)
After removing his bulletproof vest and helmet - Letterman did have some death threats earlier in the week - Kutcher revealed his self-described "Jesus" look and did talk a little bit about his character.
"It's part of 'Two and a Half Men.' Believe it or not, they requested this," he joked with Letterman of his longer haircut and beard. "I play a young, billionaire Internet entrepreneur who's just dealing with a nasty divorce, [and is] heartbroken about it. My character's name is Walden Schmidt."
Sheen's character does get killed off, but Kutcher claims he has no idea how this comes to pass. "He dies because he's no longer living...It's a death scenario." Thanks, Ashton.
How does "Walden Schmidt" arrive on the show in the first place? "I show up when Jon Cryer's character needs me the most." Again, so helpful.
"I'll say this," Kutcher tells Letterman. "I'm very heartbroken over this breakup that's taken place. The breakup with my wife...and I may, in some way, shape, or form, be trying to kill myself."
Which clearly doesn't make this sitcom sound funny at all. In a last attempt to save this drowning conversation, Kutcher promises that "It's the same show...it's just the dynamics have shifted."
"I think it's going to go through the roof, I really do," he tells Letterman. "I've been laughing really hard." Will viewers do the same? We'll find out when "Two and a Half Men" premieres on September 19 at 9 p.m. ET.
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