August 22nd, 2011
09:55 AM ET
Wow, a whole bunch of stuff happened this week, huh?
Sookie survived the graveyard battle royal and went on to have a dumb dream where she wore sexy lingerie, told Bill and Eric she loved both of them and then they had a sort-of threesome. Yawn.
After the dustup, the witches gathered for a post mortem at Moon Goddess. Holly and Tara voiced their objections to Antonia's antics. Antonia then unleashed the crazy and announced that with Eric now under her command, she planned to raise hell at the upcoming vampire PR event, the Tolerance Jamboree.
Meanwhile, in Shreveport, Debbie sat in the dark waiting for Alcide to come home while she cried and watched "Cheaters." Throw in a pint of Häagen-Dazs and a tabby cat and you have the Hollywood formula for lonely ladies everywhere.
When Alcide finally came home we were treated to this week’s defining moment – a shot of his ass as he crawled into bed. Debbie detected Sookie's scent and her eyes glowed in a way that universally translated to, "Ima kill that bitch."
Disappointingly, Debbie appeared to take the high road (to a resounding chorus of boos in my living room) and showed up on Sookie's doorstep to offer her assistance. Sure, she downed a vial of V before she came, but when Sookie read her thoughts she came across as sincere.
The two later Thelma & Louise’d it on over to Moon Goddess where Debbie created a diversion by offering to help Antonia while Sookie crept in through a window and soon found Eric, who told her that his mission was to “kill the king.”
Tara appeared and Sookie’s quick scan of her thoughts revealed that Antonia was holding the group hostage. That’s when another fake-out fell out of the Diversion Piñata™, and Sookie escaped without Eric and without freeing a single witch, so it was a mission made of fail.
And I’m not entirely convinced that Debbie wasn’t trying to throw Sookie under the broom, if you will.
Undeterred, Antonia locked up the Moon Goddess crew and allowed flaky witch Roy to escort her to the Tolerance Cotillion.
Elsewhere, Marcus swaggered into Merlotte's and snarled at Tommy to tell Sam to meet him at his motorcycle shop – OF COURSE he runs a body shop – for tea and a mature discussion about who was more deserving of Luna's affections. Do I even need to tell you where this is headed?
Marcus had a full dance card that day as he later met with Alcide at his shop. The two bonded over Shiner Bock and pack business and Marcus rounded out the conversation by asking Alcide to help him deal with Sam.
Tommy showed up at the body shop that night as Sam 2.0. He egged Marcus on and was roughed up something fierce by the pack. When he shifted back to his true form, Alcide, "True Blood’s" designated dead weight carrier, carted him off.
Meanwhile, Lafayette continued to play host to Mavis, who showed up at Hoyt’s place with Mikey in one hand and Andy's service revolver in the other.
It goes without saying that the takedown was a total mess. No one knew what was really going on - Andy was high, Arlene was hysterical and Terry was outlining tactical maneuvers as if he was still in Fallujah.
Arlene had the good sense to call Jesus and he helped Mavis relive the night her baby died. We learned that Mavis’ lover killed her that night as well.
Our theories that Mavis’ baby daddy was a Bellefleur or a Lenier were totally off base. As it turns out, Hoyt's place was once Mavis' home and she was haunting the joint in a vain attempt to find her baby and hold him one last time.
The two were reunited after the gang dug up her and the baby's remains and jeez, it was kind of heartbreaking. Jesus worked a little magic and set Mavis free and she thanked Lafayette for being a gracious host.
Y'all, like any good Trubie, I keep a running list of my favorite show quotes in my head, and Lafayette's response of "You got it, bitch," rocketed to the top of that list. I'm planning to use it the first chance I get – on my mom, my boss, whoever. It's just that good and totally worth being fired and/or disinherited over.
After the dust settled, Jason gave Hoyt a hand and returned a box of Jessica’s things to her. Then they had sex in the back of Jason's truck. And I don't know about you, but when I fire up my love makin’ playlist, Taylor Swift sure as hell isn't on it.
Over at the Tolerance Quilting Bee, Eric delivered the remaining Louisiana sheriffs to Antonia, who put them under her spell, and as the cameras rolled they killed Bill's guards and began to wreak havoc, scaring the hell out of everyone in attendance and further infuriating Nan, who was already put out that Eric was still alive.
So! What did you think of last night’s episode? With only three episodes left we’re speeding toward the season finale so get ready for a fast and furious few weeks!
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