'Jersey Shore' does 'Goldilocks': The X-rated version
August 19th, 2011
12:49 PM ET

'Jersey Shore' does 'Goldilocks': The X-rated version

Last night’s episode of “Jersey Shore” was wack.

Pauly created a new definition for the word “twinning.” Merriam-Webster is going to have to add “scoring with twins” beneath “to bring together in close association” on the pre-existing twinning entry.

On second thought...the original definition might be sufficient.

Mike donned a snazzy pair of Abercrombie & Fitch sweatpants. (Question: What does one do with his or her Abercrombie clothing after being offered money by the company to refrain from wearing it? A. Donate it to charity? B. Publicly destroy it? C. Or just wait for the company’s stock to plummet 9 percent?)

Sammi and Ronnie shared a “romantical” meal together before deciding to re-embark on their ill-fated romance. We know this for two reasons. One, we saw Sammi ask Ron to give her another chance, to which he replied, “We’ll give it a shot.” And two, both parties immediately went home and dressed in black – the official color of funerals.

Vinny and Pauly didn’t even bother asking about the duo’s status. As soon as they saw Ron in his black v-neck, they knew: Conservative Ronnie is back. Pauly briefly considers suicide, but decides to continue playing on his miniature foosball table instead.

Snooki, who appears to be the most monogamous on “Jersey Shore,” gets herself into a little pickle (Snooki does love pickles) when The Situation turns into Snitchuation. Snitch Sitch tells Ron, who in turn tells everyone who will listen, that Snooki cheated on Jionni with him two months prior.

When the news makes it back to Snooks, she freaks out - like any guilty person would. Sorry, girl. I’m not buying it. (Note: I don’t feel bad condemning Snooki because, according to Twitter, she and her man are still going strong. Had they broken up over the incident, I probably would have just let this one lie – pun intended).

After her waiter/hookup buddy sneaks out in the middle of the night, Deena is due for some loving. I wasn't, however, expecting her to find it from Erica, one half of Sitch’s conquest. I’m not sure what was dirtier/funnier: Deena pulling the robbery on Sitch, or watching Erica hop from bed to bed.

It was basically the X-rated version of Goldilocks. The Situation even suggests a title for the film: “Menagerie went awry.” (The joke loses something when you realize that menagerie is actually the practice of keeping animals in captivity. We’ll stick to Goldilocks.)

What did you think of last night’s episode of “Jersey Shore”? How do you feel about Ron and Sam getting back together? Do you think Snooki is telling the truth?

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Filed under: Jersey Shore • TV recaps

soundoff (38 Responses)
  1. elle

    Y do I still watch this!

    September 19, 2011 at 12:25 am | Report abuse |
  2. S1N

    Durka durka.

    August 22, 2011 at 2:39 pm | Report abuse |
  3. Beyond pathetic

    Wow. It's sad our generation actually considers this entertainment. Since when did someone else's sad reality become our t.v show?

    August 22, 2011 at 12:39 am | Report abuse |
  4. Get a room fan

    Where is my master Get a room?

    August 20, 2011 at 8:24 pm | Report abuse |
  5. gbhicks

    Dear CNN,
    It insults my intelligence to find entertainment news about this show, giving a blow by blow analysis of an episode of tv.
    I submit to you the notion that actual fans of this show, that would actually respond to this article in a positive way, probably don't read...Which is why they're watching tv...and not commenting here.

    August 20, 2011 at 3:33 pm | Report abuse |
  6. gbhicks

    Here's a suggestion, Mart. Read a book. Read a comic book. Watch an old western movie. Why do you have to watch anything at all? It's not as if you need tv...you're just too complacent and tired to do anything but sit on your ass watching other people's lives when you should be worried about how you live YOUR life.

    August 20, 2011 at 3:23 pm | Report abuse |
  7. leo d

    PLEASE people do not watch this SH$%

    August 19, 2011 at 8:15 pm | Report abuse |
    • Mart

      Ok I will stop now what do you recommend I watch?
      America got talent, dancing with the stars, any of the dysfunctional families that's on TLC, Hill Billy hand fishing.

      August 20, 2011 at 2:45 pm | Report abuse |
  8. Travis

    To the editors and producers at CNN,

    Your original topic for this thread was what we thought of the most recent episode of Jersey Shore. You want our thoughts on specific developments that have recently taken place on the set. Instead, at least half of the people leaving comments here have expressed their disdain and utter contempt for the entire show in and of itself. No one gives a damn whether or not "Snooki" is lying, or if whats-his-name and whats-her-name are still a couple. People on here are grateful that they don't have cable hookups. Others are wondering if they can catch venereal diseases by watching this show. You're not addressing Jersey Shore fans here, CNN...you're addressing regular people with more than half a brain in their heads who can see that shows like these are the most degenerate form of entertainment around today. STOP reporting on topics like this! STOP giving these networks a reason to renew these shows for yet another season! And STOP insulting our intelligence by asking us if anything that happens on these shows makes any more of a difference in our lives than a cloudy day! Take the hint, CNN...find other stories to cover. Have some class.

    August 19, 2011 at 7:53 pm | Report abuse |
  9. Terri

    This is jaw-droppingly mindless TV.

    August 19, 2011 at 7:37 pm | Report abuse |
  10. Ivana the Impaler

    It's possible to get a nasty virus on your computer. Is it possible for your TV to get a virus if you're tuned to Jersey Shore?

    August 19, 2011 at 6:03 pm | Report abuse |
  11. Brenda

    I've never watched someone get syphilis or gonorrhea before...but after one episode of this show I've seen it all, herpes, etc.....

    I think i got a rash just from watching. These are some seriously filthy and sad human beings.

    August 19, 2011 at 5:01 pm | Report abuse |
    • hehe101

      They (and Newark) give Jersey a bad rep. Anyone whose been to NJ gets the idea. I'm fully aware of the fact that we don't defend NJ when people make Jersey jokes (I'm not asking what Della wore).

      August 20, 2011 at 11:51 pm | Report abuse |
  12. KajinPL

    Why the hell is this even on television?! It's stuff like this that makes me glad I'm without cable. (Facepalm)

    August 19, 2011 at 4:48 pm | Report abuse |
  13. David

    Stop. Watching. This. Crap.

    August 19, 2011 at 4:47 pm | Report abuse |
  14. Booo

    Actually k, you are the one with no life because you are the one getting offended on a chat room over some people you don't even know. Those of us with a life don't watch this trash. But I do enjoy the comment pages on these posts to pass time on a train ride, thanks!

    August 19, 2011 at 4:26 pm | Report abuse |
  15. JasBrookePHD

    this article is wack...your multiple choice selection is the lamest thing ive ever read. Option C way to just rip that from another headline and pass it off like you did some investigative research. Maybe you should start researching or take a writing class before you put out this dribble again.
    For an up and coming entertainment blog check out JasBrookePHD.com for some good writing.

    August 19, 2011 at 3:28 pm | Report abuse |
    • blangasaur

      wow. maybe you should calm down and realize you're commenting on an article about jersey shore. and your writing's not that great, buddy. i've seen better constructed sentences in bathroom stalls.

      August 20, 2011 at 2:15 am | Report abuse |
    • you're

      blangasaur, see above

      August 20, 2011 at 2:20 am | Report abuse |
  16. xdougx

    [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDCUe6BPuKg&w=420&h=345]

    August 19, 2011 at 2:54 pm | Report abuse |
  17. LoJenk

    [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9a6gJp7ePJg&w=640&h=390]

    August 19, 2011 at 1:34 pm | Report abuse |
  18. LoJenk

    [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=esg1A7Bq1hY&w=640&h=390]

    August 19, 2011 at 1:33 pm | Report abuse |
  19. Lj

    I don't think I could go through another season of Ron and Sammi fighting! And I think Mike is lying about his hookup with Snooki.

    August 19, 2011 at 1:15 pm | Report abuse |
    • LadyT

      Ugh, I could so do without the Sam & Ronnie drama. If/when they start fighting again, I'm tuning out. As for Sitch and Snooks, I think they may have smushed one drunken night, but that it was supposed to stay in the vault. Sitch snitching was a total b!+c# move, but he is a b!+c# so it's really no surprise he opened his big fat mouth.

      August 19, 2011 at 5:18 pm | Report abuse |
    • frank

      i dont think hes lying, the way he was looking at her like r u seroius and the way she started crying herself to sleep, thats GUILT, if your not guilty your not going to cry yourself to sleep you will just deal with it when you speak to ur man

      August 19, 2011 at 6:28 pm | Report abuse |
    • hmm

      i believe they hooked up, especially by the way snooki acted. there was no denial, only insults.

      the ho probably blacked out that night and forgot all about it.

      August 20, 2011 at 2:19 am | Report abuse |
  20. SaintPaulSucka

    What did I think about last night's episode? I think your f#$%&ed in the head for watching this $%#@. Anyone who needs to understand why the U.S. is going downhill should look no further then this show and the A$$es that watch it. Doesn't explain why I clicked on this post...but at least I recognize my stupidity.

    August 19, 2011 at 1:05 pm | Report abuse |
    • k

      If you don't like it, no one is forcing you to read or watch anything that has to do with it. So, how about instead of criticizing everyone who does enjoy it and doing something more productive? Like, I don't know, maybe getting a life for example?

      August 19, 2011 at 1:18 pm | Report abuse |
    • Steve505

      SainPaulSucka is right....... this is a show BY idiots, FOR idiots. Nothing more. Save your "you don't have to watch it blahblahblah you clicked on this article blahblahblah" comments for someone who cares. I clicked the article not to read it, but to come tell all of you 'fans' that you are idiots.

      August 19, 2011 at 5:34 pm | Report abuse |
    • MinnieSpitta

      amen to that brotha! even thinking about that crap gives me the runs

      August 20, 2011 at 2:12 am | Report abuse |
    • edumacated in CA

      this show is just cheap entertainment. my wife and i watch it for the laughs and not all who watch it are idiots. oh yeah, im an engineer and she's a teacher so SPS, take your misguided conceptions about the educational level of the viewers somewhere else.

      August 20, 2011 at 2:16 am | Report abuse |
    • Radar2009

      Some people watch Star Wars and I think that is stupid so before you judge, think that maybe, possibly, some people find what you watch on TV is stupid. To each their own. If you got nothing good to say, don't say anything.

      August 22, 2011 at 3:26 pm | Report abuse |
  21. " The Salutation"

    Last night's show was a bit over the top... Awkwardness when watching with teenagers. But it made for some pretty funny laughs in my house. We watch the show as a family and we (wife and I) try to use it as "life lessons"

    August 19, 2011 at 1:03 pm | Report abuse |
  22. portalpunk

    been a dry spell, i'm FIRSTY!!!

    August 19, 2011 at 12:58 pm | Report abuse |
    • Jdog from the Situations Town

      The only reason why I watch this crap is because I get a laugh of how stupid mike sorrentino aka the moron is.. He lives around the corner from me in manalapan nj... recently the fool was driving around in his sports car looking like a complete tool... people just watch this show because they want to see wat they will do next... one thing that sucks is there laughing all the way to the bank for their stupidity.

      August 19, 2011 at 9:09 pm | Report abuse |
    • hehe101

      I couldn't imagine having anyone from (or similar) the Jersey Shore cast living in my area. That would be funny, seeing as it is probably the least "party" town I've lived in, having more elementary (PreK-2) schools than high schools.

      August 20, 2011 at 11:44 pm | Report abuse |
    • Nemo

      Lord and Lady, this is just trash. Sad trash. Life. Get one. Quickly!!! I don't watch this stuff, found the story just reading and following a trail. yerch!

      August 21, 2011 at 11:29 pm | Report abuse |

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