August 15th, 2011
09:47 AM ET
Did you lose sleep over the past week fretting over who would survive Antonia’s summoning spell? The good news: everybody who matters made it.
The bad news: there’s one less advocate of muumuus and sponge curlers in the world, so pour one out and let’s do this thang.
To Antonia's great dismay, the lone casualty of her spell was Beulah Carter, Maxine's neighbor and the aforementioned connoisseur of comfortable loungewear.
Bill was eager to do some damage control and keep Antonia's efforts a secret, so he claimed that Beulah's death was suicide due to anti-vampire bullying.
He later attempted to make peace with Antonia and they agreed to meet in the cemetery for a supe summit, if you will.
For the most part, our favorite vamps escaped the spell unscathed. Jason rescued Jessica from a crispy demise and she expressed her gratitude by making out with him.
Her decision to end things with Hoyt was cemented after she dreamed of breaking up with him, killing him and celebrating by – you guessed it – making out with Jason.
When she broke up with Hoyt for real, his nice guy demeanor crumbled and he was kind of an ass, going so far as to rescind her invitation to their home.
Jessica later showed up at Jason's to profess her love and he too rescinded her invitation and told her that he couldn’t betray his best friend. The poor girl just couldn’t catch a break this week.
Over at the annual Shreveport Leather Enthusiasts Picnic, Marcus Bozeman instructed the pack to stay out of the Witches v. Vampires kerfuffle.
When a fight broke out between two young weres, presumably over how denim jackets were better than leather ones, Marcus was impressed with Alcide's quick response and cool head. Debbie beamed with pride as Marcus told Alcide that his future was bright within the pack, but warned him to stay away from Sookie because of her alliance with the vampires.
And if you'll give me a moment to do my "I Told You So" dance, it turns out that Marcus is, in fact, Emma's dad, and he's just as skeevy and jealous as Luna said he’d be. Luna and Sam made up, bee tee dubs. They reconciled over a rehash of Tommy's skin walking incident.
Speaking of, Tommy gave it another go and shifted into a wonderfully crass and disheveled version of Maxine. He proceeded to steal Maxine’s natural gas rights right out from under her when Maxine 2.0 met up with the natural gas rep from earlier in the season. Tommy then disappeared into the night with a fat check and some of Maxine’s tackier costume jewelry.
Elsewhere, Lafayette once again saw Mavis, the young Creole spirit, and we finally found out what her deal was.
Way back when the Baby Doll of the Damned was brand new and not at all the stuff of nightmares, Mavis had a baby with a married white guy who killed the child to cover up the affair.
Obviously, this was awful and terrible and she never got over it, so while her spirit was floating around out there in the ether and she was giving Arlene and Terry a bunch of grief, Mavis found Lafayette and decided to possess him.
She then meandered on over to the Bellefleur home where Arlene and Terry were staying and made off with Mikey. My theory? The man she had an affair with was an ancestor of Rene’s and now Mavis is back to take what she feels is rightfully hers.
Meanwhile, in the sexiest basement in Bon Temps, Sookie permitted Eric to feed on her to help mend his gnarly self-silvering wounds. Eric responded in kind and invited her to take a shot of him and later, high on one another’s blood, they had sex in a souvenir snow globe from an Alpine-themed novelty hotel. I didn’t see what happened next because I broke my eye rolling bones. These two. Ugh.
Eric later proposed running away together, but Sookie said they had to stay and help Bill, either because she's a loyal friend or because she wanted to rub her and Eric's Speshul Wuv in Bill's face. I think it was probably a little bit of both.
Anyway, Bill later found them in his parlor dressed like a couple of Sears catalog models and they volunteered to help him fight the witches.
When the meeting finally went down, Bill promised to leave the witches alone for all eternity, but only if Antonia agreed to lift the curses she’d placed on Eric and Pam.
Sookie read Antonia’s thoughts during the negotiations and discovered she was brewing up a spell. A good old-fashioned Renard Parish cemetery throwdown ensued with casualties on both sides.
Let’s see: We lost a couple of superfluous witches and a vampire or two, and Bill saved Tara from Pam's wrath – presumably to make up for sitting on his ass and not helping her last season.
Antonia further cursed Eric – it sounded like she ordered him to do her bidding. Oh, and Sookie was shot by an unknown assailant and carried away by Alcide as Debbie looked on from her perch high atop the nutcake tree. Come on back over to the dark side, Deb. We miss you something fierce.
What did you think of last night’s episode?
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