August 1st, 2011
10:24 AM ET
[Editor's Note: This post contains spoilers for the July 31 episode of HBO’S “True Blood."]
Well, it happened: Sookie and Eric finally did it. But before we talk about the sexiest sex that was ever had, let's hash through some other stuff.
Bill found Eric at Sookie's place just as the two were rounding second base. A bit of snarly fang bearing ensued, but Eric surrendered upon hearing that Bill was his king. Sookie pleaded with Bill to spare Eric, saying that if he ever loved her, he would let him go.
Later, Nan signed off on Bill’s suggestion to sentence Eric to the true death, so it seemed as if Sookie’s plea would go unanswered.
Down in Bill’s tastefully appointed yet austere dungeon, Eric was reunited with a rapidly deteriorating Pam. She tried to light a fire under him by telling him what a badass he was before he was cursed, but her appeal fell flat when Eric told her that he was deserving of whatever punishment came his way.
A couple of cells down, Marnie finally had success in her quest to channel Antonia and was ultimately possessed by the scorned witch.
She also had another vision of Antonia as she was burned at the stake, and we got to see the witch’s power in action as she summoned the vampires who had wronged her into the sunlight. We also found out that Sheriff Luis raped her, so yeah, that guy can go ahead and meet his end any day now. And he might have! Later in the episode Luis went down to Marnie’s cell where she (well, Antonia) cursed him with a spell of as-yet-unknown consequences.
Elsewhere, Alcide returned home from a busy day of shopping for plaid shirts and was unhappy to discover creepy old Marcus Bozeman in his living room. Desperate for a sense of community, Debbie reached out to the pack master about running with the local werewolves. Alcide reluctantly agreed to her request because he’s the best boyfriend ever.
Over at Beelzebub Estates, better known as Arlene and Terry's place, the pack of matches that ignited in last week's episode led to the house exploding. Mikey, along with the Baby Doll of the Damned, somehow managed to escape the house before everyone else. Welcome to Creeptown, USA, population: Mikey.
To add to this increasingly weird storyline, Mikey acknowledged a young woman on the lawn who may or may not have been a living, breathing human, so it’s entirely possible that Rene’s not the one giving the family so much grief.
As landlord of the property, Sam was left to deal with the mess, so he charged Tommy with opening Merlotte’s. And then Tommy shifted into Sam 2.0. So this, coupled with killing his parents, makes Tommy a skinwalker, right? I like where this is going.
Later, in the best instance of perfect timing, Sookie rolled into the bar and asked Sam 2.0 for time off to save Eric. And then he told her off and fired her. It was awesome. Really though, when was the last time Sookie put in a full shift at Merlotte’s? Season 2?
Sookie then took her troubles to Jason, who’d barricaded himself inside his bedroom for fear of turning into a werepanther with the arrival of the full moon. He gave her the gist of what happened in Hotshot and she promised to help him.
As they later sat together in the moonlight, Jason escaped Sookie’s watchful eye and ran off into the night to spare her the wrath of Jason Stackhouse, Sex Panther.
Sookie, of course, took off after him and just happened to run into Debbie and Alcide, who were on their way to meet up with the local pack. She explained Jason’s situation and they told her that were-creatures were born, not made. This meant that everyone in Hotshot was literally too dumb to breed and that maybe, hopefully - please God make it so - Crystal and her inbred ilk have been relegated to the failed storyline bin with the fairies and Kitch Maynard. (Whatever happened to that guy?)
As Jason wandered through the woods waiting to shift, Jessica sensed his fear and rushed to his aid. The two waited out the night together and it was sweet. There was also chemistry, and Hoyt better watch out.
Meanwhile, Lafayette and Jesus continued to hang with Jesus' weird grandfather and asked for his help in protecting them from the vampires. When his grandfather asked for a sacrifice, the boys produced a rattlesnake. There was some hocus-pocus, the snake bit Jesus and then Lafayette channeled a spirit named Tio Luca and saved him. The end. Can you tell I’m underwhelmed with Lafayette’s storyline so far? Nelsan Ellis deserves better, y’all!
Back in Bon Temps, Luna showed up on Sam’s doorstep and unknowingly seduced Sam 2.0. After they slept together, he was a total jerk and kicked her out before becoming violently ill. Shifting into your brother and sleeping with his girlfriend really takes it out of you.
Sam 1.0 arrived home later and found Tommy passed out next to a pile of guts or baked ziti or something. While he’s almost certainly not dead, he’ll probably wish he were when Sam finds out what he’s done.
Finally, at Chez Compton, Bill went about carrying out Eric's death sentence. Eric graciously accepted his fate and asked Bill to release Pam so she could melt in peace and to please tell Sookie he loved her. Groan.
Well, old Bill Compton had a change of heart and released Eric into the wild where he found Sookie in the woods – who WASN’T in the woods that night? Jeez. Anyhow, they had amazing sex on a perfectly lit patch of unsullied grass while Neko Case played and Bill sulked on his porch.
So that's that. Will Sookie and Eric’s horizontal mambo dance “True Blood” right over the proverbial shark? I mean, this is The Sex that everyone’s been waiting for and has been teased since, what, season 1? Tell us what you think!
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