There’s only one word to describe the first few minutes of last night’s “True Blood” premiere: woof.
We picked up where we left off when Sookie joined hands with her fairy godmother Claudine and vanished from Bon Temps in a flash of light to parts unknown. It was an avalanche of suck from there.
Sookie reappeared in a gauzy, watercolor alt-universe furnished with leftover set pieces from a poorly funded community theater production of "Romeo and Juliet."
A party was in progress and the crowd was a mix of fairies swanning about and a bunch of hapless, fruit-eating mortals who were presumably gifted like Sookie.
Among the guests was Barry, the telepathic bellhop from season 2, and Sookie’s late grandfather, Earl Stackhouse.
Sookie quickly became suspicious of her surroundings and telepathically communicated as much to her grandpa. Everyone at the party overheard her, including the fae leader, who told Sookie that because Bill fed on her blood and breached their realm – eye roll – fairies could no longer live safely on earth. So the gathering was less of a “Yay, we’re fairies!” party and more of a “Yeah, sorry everybody, we have to kill you now. Enjoy the poisoned fruit,” harvest. Sad trombone. Farewell Barry, we hardly knew ye.
Anyhow, Sookie and Earl made a break for it, but not before she turned the fairies into Orcs and their Thomas Kinkade-inspired paradise into a barren hellscape. That’ll do, pig. That’ll do.
The Stackhouses fell through the rabbit hole to safety and reappeared in Bon Temps. Sookie’s arrival awoke both Bill and Eric, which served as a reminder that no, the premiere wouldn’t focus entirely on the godforsaken fairy plotline.
Earl died from eating the tainted fairy fruit shortly after their return and our cheesy nine-and-a-half minute nightmare finally came to an end. But it's supposed to be cheesy right? We’re not talking about "Frontline" here.
While Sookie’s journey to Fairytown-by-way-of-Middle Earth was brief, in reality she’d been missing for a little over a year. In her absence, much had changed in Bon Temps.
She returned home to discover that Jason put the house up for sale. We later found out the buyer was none other than Eric, who claimed that whereas everyone else had given up on her, he always knew she would return. Also, now that he was the owner of the house, by his logic Sookie was “his.”
As for Jason, everyone’s favorite sexy dim bulb became an official member of the Bon Temps Sheriff’s Department. One of his unwritten responsibilities was keeping an eye on Andy Bellefleur, who had developed a raging V habit.
Jason’s Good Samaritainship didn’t stop there. He launched a one-man humanitarian mission to help feed and care for the people of Hotshot after their patriarch Calvin was killed. His kindness went unrewarded, however, after he was trapped in a deep freezer, likely by either Felton or Crystal.
Jesus and Lafayette were still humming right along and Jesus finally managed to convince Lala to meet the local witch’s club (“It’s not a coven!”).
Members of the group included Holly from Merlotte’s and another young witch named Katie.
The real star of the show was Marnie, the group’s leader. Not only did she channel Eddie, the late vampire with whom Lafayette had a sex-for-V relationship, she revived her deceased pet bird to the horror of everyone in the group.
I cannot wait to see where the writers take Marnie this season. I think she may prove to be the ultimate villain.
Bill and Eric were hard at work trying to repair the tarnished image of vampires thanks to Russell’s infamous on-air diatribe. Eric taped an “I’m just like you” PSA for the American Vampire League and Bill attended a local ribbon cutting ceremony. He was such a pro at it you’d think he was a politician or something.
Funny I should mention that! Louisiana’s got a brand new vampire king y’all. The particulars of how it came to be have yet to be revealed, but the promotion resulted in a marked improvement of the décor at Chez Compton.
Elsewhere, the honeymoon was officially over for Jessica and Hoyt, who had settled into that state of cohabitational bliss known as “everything you say or do bugs the living hell out of me.”
Jessica’s wandering eye and desire for new blood attracted Pam’s attention and she promptly planted the seed in Jessica’s mind that her relationship with Hoyt was ridiculous. Never, ever change, Pammy.
On the Merlotte family front, Tommy was still ailing from when Sam shot him. He also managed to weasel his way into Maxine Fortenberry’s home as her surrogate son.
Sam, meanwhile, worked to control his feelings by attending anger management classes, which was code for meeting regularly with a group of shape shifting oenophiles. Hey man, whatever works.
I’ve saved the best for last – let’s talk about Tara! Having relocated to New Orleans and going by the name “Toni,” Tara is kicking ass – literally – in an underground MMA fight club for hot ladies. She’s also got a new gal in her life, Naomi, who is similarly hot and ass-kicky.
There you go – season 4 is underway with lots of changes for our beloved gaggle of misfit toys. What did you think of the premiere?
i love everything about true blood! and everything about eric...me and my friends are really hoping that alan ball would follow the book's shower scene of sookie and eric. looking out for that,yay!
I loved it, I was really impressed with Season 4 ep 1&2. The Cubby thing was soo funny and hope to see Eric and Sookie as a couple. HOT. This is better than Season 3. And people this is HBO not the books, get it in your heads. Love the show, want more Pam!!!
It was dissapointing. its not even fallowing a outline and i feel that they are just trying to run it into the ground cause alan ball doesnt want to go past next season which is dissapointing. also why is it bill can go to fairyland for 10-15 minutes and only loose a few hours but if sookie goes for about the same amount of time she looses a year. too many holes and too much laziness, trueblood deserves more than this.
@peacsktr...If that's true that the fruit was not poisonious and grandpa earl died from time catching up. Then why did the fairy that saved sookie tell her that she can only leave because she didn't eat any of the fruit. It seems to me that grandpa earl only died because he ate the fruit.
The fruit was not posionous. Whatever was in it kept anyone from being able to leave the fairy world. It was a trap to keep all the fairies from being able to travel back to earth. That's why the fairy said only Sookie could leave, because the transition to worlds would kill Earl because of the fruit's effects on the transportation.
I'll just keep reading the Sookie Stackhouse books. The series sounds rediculous. It appears the author has sold out to HBO for big bucks.
The time warp was a sloppy trick. It seems as though they didn't know what to do with the mess they left at the end of last season. Since "Dallas" already used the shower scene, they fell back on the fairy ploy. I've been a fan of the books and the series. I had HBO turned back on just to see "True Blood". I can certainly thank Alan Ball and crew for saving me 20$ bucks a month. The sad mess they put on this week in episodes 1 and 2 warrants a farewell to that premium channel.
Example of more garbage flung at America. It's a Soap Opera with super models running around with acting skills of a middle school play. I could vomit in a toliet and have more fun watching it swirl down the drain. Trash.
Then why are you watching it? It has a HUGE fan base, so obviously people love it.
What is a serious actor like Alexander Skarsgård doing on such a trashy series, anyway? I mean most of the other actors, sure (most of them either can't act or are washed-up/never-were actors who look like community theater amateurs). I mean, sure it's a trashy-fun series that embraces its own silliness and sordidness. But the star of the brilliant "Generation Kill" playing a goofy vampire sheriff, really?!?
Episode 2 rocked and proved this show is # 1, but article writer needs to get his details checked grandfather earl died because the time was catching up to him because twenty years went by and he had to catch up to real time. second the fruit was not poison its like a lotus leaf in greek times it puts you in like a daze were you forget everything outside from were you are thats what keeps them there for so long without noticing time. IF YOU HAVE HBO ON DEMAND THE 2ND EP IS UP ALREADY.
The second episode clears up all the what happened here moments from ep 1
"Article writer" is a lady, chief. Get your details checked.
You all know that this show is based off a book right....read the books then you might get it a little more
Loved it! Pam is AWESOME!!!! I was hoping, however, they did away with that whole HotShot inbred-trailer park mess while Sookie was trapped in Fairyland. Hopefully they will get rid of them soon. I can't wait to see what else happens :)
Nope, can't kill HotShots yet. Hopefully they throw in their where Jason gets changed. Would love to see him "shift"!!! Gotta keep Hot Shots for that!
I always pictured Grandfather as Patrick Bauchau. Don't buy Gary Cole at all, although I like his acting. If you've read the books, the screenplay is nothing like them – even remotely. Just have to enjoy where they are taking it and forget about Charlaine Harris – looks like HBO has.
Just as I told Kathy, True Blood is not supposed to be a verbatim play-by-play of the books. It is BASED on the books; therefore, it can be drastically different.
LODZ! Yesssssssssss. He'd be terrific.
I don't think the person who write this read the books. some of it goes along with the books and wasn't just pulled out of the air. It did basically suck though until Eric said You're mine, Aleksander Skaarsgard is hot!
True Blood is not supposed to be a verbatim play-by-play of the books. It is BASED on the books; therefore, it can be drastically different.
Well, it seems HBO has unleashed the second episode online since next weekend is a holiday weekend. After watching that episode, I can say they seem to be taking this into a pretty good direction. All the stuff in this first episode was really just a lead in for what's comming... if witches can revive the dead... and vampires are dead...
I think they should bring back Lorea, Talbott and Franklin since they brought ED back.
Every minute of fairy is too much. And every minute of every episode that doesnt have Eric in it, or pertains to him somehow is a waste. Other than that, it was alright.
Guess the storylines in the book weren't good enough. Seriously. Makin' some weird stuff up.
Oh...and unless you find a body, you can't declare someone dead in 1 year and sell their house.
Jason can sell the house because he is Sookie's brother. It's just as much his property as it is hers.
I enjoyed the episode, next weeks episode(Thanks HBO GO!) is much better than this week's was!
and yet, including Bubba from the books would be campy somehow. what do us book fans have to do to have Bubba brought into the storylines?
Aahhh yes Bubba! He saves the day a few times, they should bring him in! I am glad they kept Lala in the series though, that was a good call.
I completely agree with JR. I immediately felt cheated by the whole time warp scenario and even though I'd had it to my ears with Tara's victim lifestyle, her MMA lesbian change smacked of confused college kid who is "finding herself". Far too cliche for a character like hers. I get the witch thing, and I think it'll play an integral role in the Eric/Sookie/Bill triangle, so I'm for it. But the reboot was unnecessary and lazy.
Agreed, I was sick of the "Victim" role with Tara too. Especially over a boy she dated for what, a couple of months? The time warp sucked. I really think some of the story-lines from the books, they should have kept, some not all. Bill as King should be interesting though, didn't expect that one.
While I found the episode interesting enough, I was disappointed with the time warp aspect that is going to rule this season. To me time warps are just a cheap ploy by the writers to create a reboot. Literally anything could have happened for that year that was essentially lost. Characters can, and did, completely recreate themselves and end up having little continuity to how they began. For example: Didn't like how Hoyt's character was turning out? Ok thats easy, during the time warp something incrediably poignant happened to him and now he is a completely different person. Whether this is following the books or just a writers tool to change the aspects of characters, it still annoys me.
Other than that though the dialogue between characters is as witty as ever and I am looking forward to seeing how the plot lines develop.
It's not following the books. The books will have a gap of a week, somtimes a month. There hasn't been a year-long gap.
But if this is how we get to jettison the fairy nonsense, I'm all for it.
They went in a totally different direction than the books! Just about every storyline has changed now except the fact Sookie is a fairy. I think the books are better now that I see the changes they made this season. Interesting to see where they go with it though.
HBO is only following the books as far as Sookie is a fairy and there is a fairy war going on about closing fairyland off from Earth. Other then that these are two totally different projects.
I thought the episode was good overall (the intention of the fairy parts moved the story along but I agree it could have been done better production wise had they stuck closer to the book on that one). The second episode online at HBOGO was even better. I loved the Eric parts as usual. They were the best parts of the hour. Eric and Sookie are going to be hot, hot, hot this season! I love how he took care of her house. Suprised about Bill being King. Ugh, hate that guy. Pam's lines are always gold.
There was Wayyyyy too much going on last night. I understand that Alan Ball had to catch us up on all the different characters but... in the process it was easy to tell what I wanted to see more of: Sookie and Eric, Bill being King and always always always the goddess PAM. Truly, they can jettison the witch story right now and anything to do with Tommy. And Tara, lesbian cage fighting? Eeeoouuw. Now, I loves me some Lafayette, but not with all the witch crap. It seems like a repeat of the Marianne arc which was about six episodes too long. I thought the scenes between Jason and Sookie were particularly poignant; they work really well together. Time will tell, I suppose, but last night's show, did NOT knock me off my feet.
The first two episodes were o.k. The "good" stuff is going to start in episode 3 when she takes Eric home. If you read the books, you know it only gets better from here. In the books, Bill's part is diminished, almost nonexistent, so I like that Ball altered that piece and made him a king so his role will be somewhat significant. I could care less about Jason and the panthers or Sam and the shifters or even whiny Tara. Pam is awesome though! Her one liners rock!
It was ok, wasn't thrilled with the episode.
I bet they leave some stinky blood farts
I'm a fan, but I was expecting more out of the "Season Premier". It wasn't terrible, but it wasn't a great start either.
Yah I wasn't really pleased either. Jason a cop – Yah right. At lease Eric fixed up the house – Maryann and cast sure did screw it up.
I should go out tonight and find a nice girl to satisfy my V-habit.
did you mean VD habit?
I hated the first 30 minutes, the dawn of the dead twilight zone bs – take me to the story. I hope this doesn't turn into another lost.....
TRUE BLOOD SUCKED
nevermind. cnn just spelled it wrong. its snookie. that is cool she has 2 shows. snookie is a funny lil hippopotamoous.
God I hope you are kidding.... 2 different ppl, 2 different shows...
i thought sooki was on jersey shore. does she got 2 shows now?
That's snookie you dumb a**. I love this show, I can't wait to see where the season goes.
underground MMA fight club for hot ladies. She’s also got a new gal in her life, Naomi, who is similarly hot and ass-kicky.
Now that part sounds hot!
Sounds very gay.
yea, it is gay. but 2 chicks is hooooottttttttttttttttttttttt
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