June 7th, 2011
11:09 AM ET
Last night's "Bachelorette" episode began with Chris Harrison, whose hair seemed rather spiky, gathering the 15 remaining suitors in the living room. One group and two solo dates were on the agenda, and the first one-on-one went to Ben the lawyer.
Ashley and Ben went to a dance studio to learn a routine. Ben seemed impressed that Ashley took him to her favorite place "outside of her profession." Going to dental school is a profession?
The two then went to a park, where Ashley proposed doing the dance they just learned. At that moment, a flash mob showed up to dance with the duo (Just like real life, right?).
At dinner, Ben, talking with a mouthful of food, said he'd love to go on a second date with Ashley, who responded by giving him a rose. How about giving him some tips about dinner table behavior as well?
Then came group date time, and "Phantom" Jeff was finally ready to take off his mask, saying he'd made his point. We're still not sure what that point was, but Ashley didn't seem that impressed with unmasked Jeff, saying he looked older than she expected. And he still hadn't shaved!
Ashley, Jeff and nine other suitors went to the famous Comedy Store comedy club, where "roastmaster general" Jeffrey Ross put together a comedy roast for Ashley, with the suitors as roasters.
The roast, as you might expect, was a disaster, with the exception of the "Woman of the Hour" banner at the back of the stage - very reminiscent of what was seen on the Dean Martin roasts of yore. The worst roaster of them all was William, the wannabe comic who said something about wanting to see Emily Maynard and donating to the "Ashley cleavage fund."
Ashley left the stage in tears, apparently not understanding that "going for the jugular" is how a comedy roast generally works. Somebody send her some Dean Martin DVDs, pronto. William offered to leave the show for hurting Ashley's feelings and then proceeded to walk aimlessly around Los Angeles (although with a cameraman in tow, can you really walk aimlessly?).
Out comes Bentley, whose "master plan" of manipulating Ashley appeared to be working thanks to the show's producers, who didn't bother telling Ashley about it. Ashley admitted to Bentley that she was warned by ex-"Bachelor" contestant Michelle Money that he was only on the show to promote himself and would likely depart in a few weeks.
Bentley admitted that Michelle knows his ex-wife, but that they are not the greatest sources of information. He then mumbled something about being on the same page with her. He was as vague as Rep. Anthony Weiner's initial denials, but Ashley believed him. Nonetheless, Ryan C. snagged the post-roast rose, meaning it was Bentley's cue to exit.
Bentley headed to Ashley's home where, for what seemed like five hours, he explained that he had to leave the show because his young child misses him. Of course, that's not the real reason - Bentley admitted to the cameraman that he couldn't continue if Ashley were "The Bachelorette" - but what's a few lies between producers?
Bentley left to presumably prepare for battle with Michelle on "Bachelor Pad" (elocution lessons would also help), while Ashley ran to her bedroom in tears, saying she doesn't know whether she can continue. Meanwhile, the show's producers are dancing a jig over all this - who cares if Ashley appears to be an insecure woman with low self-esteem? Let's use that to boost ratings!
Back to Ashley's house (which happens to be extremely red for some reason), where J.P. awaited his one-on-one date. Nothing much happened, but J.P. got a rose for his troubles.
Ashley declined a cocktail party, so we went straight to the rose ceremony. Two suitors got the boot: Chris D., who I honestly don't remember, and "Phantom" Jeff, who responded by throwing his mask into the fireplace. Obviously, Jeff has never heard of eBay. Ashley also gave her final rose to William, whose crisis of conscience apparently lasted all of 20 minutes.
Next week, the gang heads to Thailand as the show desperately looks for a villain who can enunciate his words.
What did you think of last night's "Bachelorette" episode?
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