March 18th, 2011
02:30 PM ET
Did anyone else have the urge to punch The Situation through the TV last night?
Not only has Sitch turned into a pathetic jerk since he stopped getting laid last season, he also proved he’s completely useless beyond the realm of unintentional comedy, like when he crashed and burned on the Roast of Donald Trump.
Too harsh? Sammi probably wouldn’t think so, but I’ll get back to that later.
As long as we’re on the topic of undateable men…
Vinny takes Snooks out for burgers and beer-battered onion rings, only to tell her about how cool his latest conquest was. When Snooki suggests that his chick was actually a grenade, most likely out of jealousy, Vin explains that you’re not always going to get a dime in Seaside. Pennies and nickels, however, are not in short supply.
The next day at the Shore Store, Pauly and the boys convince Vin that his exterior should match his inner gangster. Their boss Danny, whose brief appearances on the show are always entertaining, helps him achieve his new look by piercing his ears. I’m guessing you don’t need a permit to carry a piercing gun?
And, though I’m certain he wasn’t thinking of the cougar community when he opted for some new bling, Vin’s earrings work wonders with the older ladies at the club. In addition to finding two chicks at the club, Pauly and Vinny come face-to-face with the infamous Danielle.
“Do you want to get beat up by an Israeli chick?” she asks. “Want me to punch you?”
Now, I’ve never been to the Jersey shore so this might be way off base, but, is there any situation in which someone might answer yes to the aforementioned questions?
Upon returning home, and awkwardly asking the random girls they brought home to leave, Vin goes crazy - first making Snooki feel like a second-class smush, and then engaging in a freestyle battle with Sammi (and winning).
The next day, while Sam and Ron are at the eye doctor, Ron’s mother drunk dials the house looking to vent about her son’s relationship. Mike is secretly happy to oblige, and fills her in on all the dirty details - sneaky text messages and all. (I understand why Sam got upset, but, then again, the entire world was going to find out when the episode premiered anyway. And on the bright side, Ron’s mom probably wasn’t going to remember that conversation anyway.)
The rest of the episode might have been entertaining, but about 15 seconds into the scream-fest that took place outside the house, I kind of tuned out.
This is what I gathered through my pounding headache:
The Situation is manipulative and doesn’t want anyone to be happy as long as he’s miserable and lonely.
Sam is the “worst argument person ever.” Thanks for that one, Sitch.
Vin doesn’t think he could ever trust a girl who so much as texted another guy, "what the weather was like?" (What if he’s a meteorologist, Vin? Does that change things?)
Sammi is done… again. Although I do give her props for acknowledging that it’s the 40 millionth time she’s uttered those meaningful words.
Sitch calls Arvin to set the record straight, only to find out that he and Sam have previously made out.
My take: Sam was technically single when she reached out to Arvin, therefore, she’s not technically in the wrong. Ron, however, has no leg to stand on considering what he did behind Sam’s back in Miami, and then to her face in Seaside.
In conclusion: I hope they both miss the flight to Italy, because if I have to deal with their drama for another season, I'm done. And I'm only going to say it once.
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