January 25th, 2011
01:21 PM ET
Last night's episode of "The Bachelor" began with Michelle waking up with a black eye, which she reminds us of about every two minutes or so. She was hoping to get a one-on-one date so Brad could kiss the black eye, thereby making the other eye jealous.
But the first individual date went to Chantal the slapper, with the clue of "how deep is your love." Were Chantal and Brad going to meet the two surviving Bee Gees?
Nope, they went to Catalina Island, still located 26 miles across the sea, to walk the sea floor. After seeing lots and lots of fish, the two headed over to what looked like an abandoned tiki bar, where Chantal apologized for that whole face-slapping thing. Brad accepted the apology by giving her a rose.
Back at the ranch, nine women were selected for the group date...and none of them were named Michelle. Michelle warns that if she's not picked for the second individual date, Brad may face a black eye of his own. Michelle threatening physical abuse and Chantal glorifying violence - "The Bachelor" really picks winners, doesn't it?
The group date finds Brad and the nine women at a radio studio to appear on "Loveline" with Dr. Drew Pinsky and some other guy. Hands up to those who thought the show went off the air when Adam Corolla left.
The other guy asked the ladies if they've ever cheated on their boyfriends. Stacey raised her hand, and talked about a "drunken incident" in college. Brad then explained for the 240th time what he did wrong on his first "Bachelor" appearance. You could put this show on a three-minute loop and not miss a thing.
The show's strange fascination with pools continued after the radio show, with Brad and the women holding a poolside party. Ashley the dancing dentist schemed to get alone time with Brad by confronting him while he's smooching Britt. Brad responded by giving Britt the rose.
When Michelle learned that she snapped up the second individual date, she celebrated like she won a gold medal. She pledged that nothing's going to stop her now, even channeling her inner Dusty Rhodes by threatening to "bionic elbow" her challengers. But Brad had something to say about that, delaying the date to talk to Ashley about her group date antics.
Brad and Michelle's date started with a helicopter ride to the top of a very tall building, where they then had to rappel down the side of the structure to get to dinner and, yet again, the swimming pool. Michelle - who had no problem getting on the 'copter - said she's afraid of heights and won't go down the building. Nevertheless, the two rappelled down the building and then celebrated by jumping into the pool with their clothes on.
Brad complimented Michelle for being a "mature woman." I guess that's one way to describe her. He then expresses an interest in meeting Michelle's daughter, scaring viewers at the concept that the woman is a parent. But Michelle ended up getting a rose, pleasing the producers and network executives.
At the cocktail party, Brad locates his inner Yogi Bear and takes Emily outside for a picnic, also finding time to encourage Meghan to not be so, in her words, "walled up."
Alas, Meghan won't have a chance to break down her walls, as she got the boot at the rose ceremony. Joining Meghan out the door were Stacey the cheater and Lindsay, who'd I say more about if I didn't forget that she was still on the show.
Next week, we're heading to Vegas.
What did you think of last night's "Bachelor" episode?
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