Last night's "Bachelor" began with the 20 remaining women getting overly excited about date cards. Not the actual dates mind you, but the cards letting the women know about the dates. There were two individual dates and a group date involving 15 women.
The first individual date went to "dancing dentist" Ashley H. Brad said he had a big surprise for her, and it involved going down a dark, deserted road. An axe murderer jumping out of the bushes?
Not even close. A carnival magically appeared on some lot, and Brad and Ashley H. were the only two customers. Nothing says romantic first date like giant teddy bears, throwing balls at milk bottles and funnel cake. Ashley's seen eating cotton candy - I wouldn't want to hear from her dentist...oh, wait.
Brad notes that he likes Ashley, adding that he likes her "a lot." He sounded like a 7-year-old going to his first carnival.
In the end, Ashley H. gets the rose, saving her from elimination, and she gets to ride on a Ferris wheel as her reward.
The group date involved Brad and 15 women filming public service announcements for the American Red Cross. In one commercial, Brad wears a fake mustache, phony chest hair and a jacket from the "Starsky and Hutch" collection.
In another, he portrays a vampire. Alas, Madison the vampire was not in that skit. However, we did begin to see our two storylines for the evening - one involving Michelle, the other concerning Raichel and Melissa.
Let's start with Michelle, who was upset because it was her birthday (a lot of birthdays on "The Bachelor" this time around) and she had to be on a group date. She was pouted because the other women got to cavort with Brad on set, causing her to walk away from everybody.
Nevertheless, Brad made sure she was okay, and gave her a rose at the post-shoot party. Michelle celebrated her win by whisking Brad away at the end-of-show cocktail party before Brad could finish his speech. The women complained but, let's face it, they would have done the same.
As for Raichel and Melissa, I'm not sure what caused them to accuse each other of being "psycho" and point fingers. It's likely due to jealousy and wanting attention from Brad, but we never actually got specifics. Maybe they had a heated debate about, say, North Korea or the debt ceiling, but ABC thought that was dull and cut out 95 percent of the argument.
Jackie was the recipient of the second group date, and Brad took her to the Hollywood Bowl, where Monty Python performed some of their greatest skits three decades ago. Jackie tells Brad that she didn't date in college, but went out on a couple of dates. No, I don't know what that means.
Brad gave Jackie a rose, and then treated her to a Train concert. (If she lost, would she have been rewarded with a week of Train concerts?) Also, Brad was very specific in referring to Pat Monahan and company as "the band Train." Maybe Brad and Jackie were expecting the Amtrak Sunset Limited to show up on stage.
At the manor, Brad talks to the most recent "Bachelorette" couple, Roberto and Ali, about who the most sincere women in the house are. We hear none of that conversation, so we presume the three just spent time making fun of Chris Harrison.
In the end, Brad sent the feuding Raichel and Melissa home, as well as Keltie, whose moment of the week was filming a blood drive PSA wearing a neck brace and casts on both arms.
Next week, things blow up, Seal sings (as opposed to a singing seal) and somebody wants to go home.
What did you think of last night's "Bachelor" episode?
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