December 23rd, 2010
01:00 PM ET
As the third anniversary of Heath Ledger's shocking death approaches, Michelle Williams is finally speaking out about life after her partner's untimely passing.
Ledger, who was father to Williams's 5-year-old daughter Matilda, died of a drug overdose at age 28 in January 2008. The actress tells "Nightline" her first 12 months without him were most surreal.
"It didn't seem unlikely to me that he could walk through a door or could appear from behind a bush," explains Williams, who read Joan Didion's "The Year of Magical Thinking" following her loss. "It was a year of very magical thinking, and in some ways I'm sad to be moving further and further away from it."
The 30-year-old "Blue Valentine" star, who began her romance with Ledger while the two were filming 2005's "Brokeback Mountain," adds that she still hasn't quite come to terms with the tragedy.
"I can't find a meaning for it. I can find meanings in things and people and relationships that have sprung up, and friendships that have strengthened," she says. "I can find a lot of meaning in that, but not in why."
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