If a "Skating with the Stars" contestant fell in the woods and no one watched, does it count as an elimination? What if another contestant engaged in a feud with the judging panel and no one gave a flip? Is it scandal or ratings desperation?
Those were the question that came out of last night's edition of America's least favorite TV train wreck, which promised a night of thrills, both on the ice and off.
Last week, Brandon Mychal Smith was unable to skate due to stomach issues, forcing pro partner Keauna McLaughlin to impersonate a jilted homecoming queen throughout the show. This week, Keauna again came out by herself - the show needs to give her a bonus for all the forced humiliation - but Brandon eventually appeared, albeit sitting in a chair.
Brandon announced to whoever was watching that he's dropping out of the competition due to his stomach woes. Host Vernon Kay remarked that he hoped what's ailing Brandon wasn't as infectious as his enthusiasm, adding that the three remaining celebs were safe from elimination.
Last night's theme was "Thrill Week," with each contestant having to perform some of the "most thrilling moves" (the show's words, not mine) in figure skating. One such move was something called the "death spiral," which appeared to consist of too much spiral and not enough death.
We begin with Bethenny Frankel, who proudly noted that she'd probably "crack her head open" if something went wrong. She once again showed her flair for all-out dizziness in her routine but, alas, no blood was spilled.
Wannabe TSA agent Dick Button, now declaring himself the "Betty White of the skating world," criticized Bethenny for her "stiff" skating, then apparently encouraged her to get drunk. Anyone check his meds lately?
Johnny Weir went one step further, saying he doesn't care how Bethenny skates, since Bethenny announced last week that she doesn't care about the judges. Johnny hasn't looked that miserable since Charles Nelson Reilly died.
At this point, Vernon either lost control of the show, or gave up on his U.S. hosting future. His requests to the judges to stifle it came and went to no avail, and his face looked like he wanted to hide in his dressing room for the rest of the show.
As for Bethenny, she got 38 points out of 60 for her troubles. (I'm surprised that the judges didn't give her a "Q" and a "Zowie Plus" if they didn't care.)
Jonny Moseley was next, and he performed a routine to a-ha's "Take on Me" that featured what could be the worst a-ha cover band performing the tune. Who knew there were a-ha cover bands?
The judges complimented Jonny for paying attention to them, but Johnny Weir encouraged him to take a ballet class. Note to Mr. Weir: If you want to see Jonny in a tutu, just buy him one.
Jonny earned 54 points for his effort.
The last skater was Rebecca Budig, who Dick Button complimented for having the "nicest bottom" in the competition. Sean Young's going to be jealous when she hears about that. Dick also pledged to make "four points" about Rebecca's routine, but only got to three before being cut off by Vernon. Nice to see Vernon actually put in some effort in his hosting.
Rebecca earned 53 points for her troubles.
Next week (if the show lasts until next week), we may actually crown a winner for this mess.
Anyone still watching this show?
Not watching the final because the two that should be in it are not....that lady that the judges tell to bend her knees every week does not deserve to be in the final. as a skater i can see she hasnt really improved from day one. she still walk skates..she does lifts but thats because her partner is strong. Where did they come up with these judges...i can see why this show is only one once every 5 yrs lol..
I will watch it once Bethenny is off. She makes me physically gag. She's nasty and plastic and self-absorbed and she clearly has no respect for skating.
I'm watching it improve each week – not impressed by Weir or Gibson- definitely miss Jennifer w/Vince – A no show should suffer the same consequence as any other falter- unfair to eliminate those that DO show & give their all – Vince's journey was most interesting event thus far. Hope to see improved version next season!
I stopped watching after Vince got booted. Then again, I only watched Vince's performances and fast-forwarded through the rest.
Watching? Yes. Why? Vernon Kay. He is the best thing about this show! I can't wait to watch the game show he is hosting next year. We copy all of the UK's shows so now they are bringing decent presenters over as well. Hopefully the shows will improve.
The only good game show on TV is Jeopardy which was invented by a great American Merv Griffin. The Brits on American TV including Vernon Kay are atrocious and now for our sins we're going to get Piers Morgan on CNN as if there are'nt enough idiots on that channel. If British TV is so good why do'nt they stay there. As for you -well you sound like you'd be happier in England. Go live there and enjoy the fish and chips. You sound like a complete imbecile.
While I do like Bethenny from Real Housewives I can't stand watching this mess. I don't even bother watching it anymore.
Please pull the plug on this mess!!!
What a sorry excuse for a show...seriously. Can't anyone come up with a better idea, or are we completely out of them? De-evolution evidence for all to see.
Are you guys kidding me? This is the greatest television show i've ever seen in my life! Its television history! Superstar hollywood types cutting the skates like on a razors edge, zipping across the ice with triple lutz's, its absolutely spectactular tv. "What? oh ok" look I have to go, its supper time here at the funny farm. But before I go, I also recommend another terrific show, its a talking horse! Mr. Ed its called! Question though, why is it only in black and white? I justs loves it when that horse says WILBOUR!!!! How they get that horse to talk anyway? 'ok ok ok' sorry, dinner getting cold, its MEAT LOAF NIGHT! MMMM MMMMM GOOD:)
Watched 5 min of first show...never watched again
Yeah Johnny is a drama queen, i would love 2 see Kurt Browning judge. Vernon is boring and has no presence like the host from DWTS. That explains why Johnny doesnt like Bethaney, but when u say u dont care then u dont need 2 be competing. I'm curious 2 see who wins after that PLEASE DONT BRING THE SHOW BACK!!!
Ok, I get what the author was saying about Vernon not being able to cut off the talkative judges until the end of the show now. True he could be more forceful, but it's not a deal breaker for me in the show. He's a well respected commentator in the UK from what I've been reading online. I think he's very good.
I'm just sad that TV in general doesn't seem to give shows a chance to grow nowadays after the first episode which I will admit was not very good. I think weeks two, three and four were great. So many of my favorite shows get canceled.
I walked from, no actually ran away half way thru the FIRST episode.
BIG BIG THUMBS DOWN.
Yes, I am watching it. I figure skated and was amazed by how much these skaters have learned. The author of this blog should have the guts to get on the ice and do these difficult moves. The death spiral is deceptive. One wrong move and your head could go crack on ice or you could pull the male skater off his skates and get a blade in your head.
I don't know why this show is being so criticized. It is even better than DWTS. While the judges do need to be replaced, the host is great. I don't know the author of this blog and don't understand at what point he saw what he said about the host looking like he wanted to hide in his dressing room. I didn't see that, and I watched the episode twice. Additionally the author said that Vernon could not cut off the judges comments but then later admits that Vernon did cut off the comments from Dick Button. Hello, there are only three skaters at this point and an hour long show to fill. I don't think he needed to be too concerned of the time.
In any case, I wish people would stop bashing the show. If you don't like it, you don't have to watch it. Flip the channel. If you think you could do better, then call ABC and sign up for season two. Otherwise you sound dishonest making up details that are not true. You just sound critical and petty to me of people who are far braver.
LOVE IT! This is hard, and I really think these folks are brave. Can't miss it and I think DIva Johnny is FABULUOS. Don't listen to these folks .
I love the show and I love Johnny! He makes me want to watch because ya never know what he is gonna say or wear. I won't miss it because I DVR it.
... no, i have not watched one ep of this show. it sounded tired and uninteresting from the outset. and given how painful it was to read your recap, it's a no-brainer that i won't ever watch it.
I'm still watching, but barely. Dancing with the Stars is about 50 times better than this mess. Johnny Weir needs to stop critiquing the "stars" as if they are full-blown professionals. I'm a little disappointed in his judging style...he needs to lighten up! Dick Button seriously needs to stop hitting on Rebecca Budig because it's getting creepy. And don't even get me started on Vernon, aka Mr. Annoying.
GET RID OF THE HAS BEEN WOMAN JUDGE....HAS NOTHING RELEVANT TO OFFER
What a joke!! The host sucks and Johnny Weir & Bethany are acting like 9 year old brats fighting at recess...surprised the show is even still on!! When I saw Weir's childish commentary I knew it was time to CHANGE THE CHANNEL!!! What kind of judge says "I don't even care"??? CANCEL the show NOW!
Put fat ass Bristol Palin on there and all the Palin a$$ kisses will watch.
Your reply had me rolling on the floor laughing. I'm still chuckling. I have never watched this train wreck – saw it coming and got out of the way. Just the image in my mind of "fat ass Bristol" on ice-skates is hysterical. Maybe the "Bristol Nation" can win this one for her!!!!
I never started.
get rid of vernon and johnny. then it would actually be worth while....... vernon is just not interesting at all, and johnny is too conceited and such a worthless drama queen. yes i'm going perez hilton and calling him out....
Has anyone put it together that Johnny is friends with Housewives of NYC Jill, who is no longer friends with Bethanny! That's where his hatred comes from.
Whoa! You know waaaaaaaaaay too much about these folks. Scary...
That explans a lot.
Johnny Weir is a jerk.
IT'S NOT HARD NOT TO LIKE THAT GOD UGLY ARROGANT WOMAN...GLAD WHEN HER 15 MINUTES ARE OVER..NO TALENT TO FALL BACK ON....ANOTHER KATE GOSSELIN...
I'm watching, only because it is such a wreck. I can't look away.
Fox tried Skating With Celebrities and it sucked! What made them think that Skating With The Stars was going to do better?
I'm loving it, actually. It's cheesy as all get out, but Johnny and Dick make a hilarious team (and their comments are spot on!), Jonny Moseley is adorable, and Rebecca is doing really well. I also liked Vince–who would have thought he could be so endearing? I wish Denis Pethukov and John Zimmerman would be on every week, though...
Definetly still watching! This show is infinetly more interesting than DWTS. Sad it will never be on again...
!. Get rid of Vernon. 2 Getrid of Johnny. Get rid of the other two judges. 3. Get rid of the expert.That should fix everything. I said from day 1 that this turkey would never make it. Appears I was right.
I just clicked on this story to say "No, I'm not watching". I stopped watching after ~5 mins into the first show. It kind of sucks that Dick Button is now associated with this debacle because now he sort of loses some credibility.
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