September 3rd, 2010
02:31 PM ET
Remember the days when “Real World” cast members were immediately escorted off set if they laid a hand on one of their housemates? Or, at the very least, the crew would intervene and help break up the fight.
Well, those days are over.
Last night’s episode opened as Snooki embarked on her quest to find the perfect bed to cuddle in - it was basically "Goldilocks" meets “Jersey Shore.” After testing out all the guys’ beds, she finally settled on Vinny’s, which was just right. One thing led to another and…well, we think you can figure out what happened next.
Later, post-hangover, Snooki, Angelina and Jwoww head to the beach. Sammi stays home because she’s not feeling well/she can’t leave her bed for more than five minutes at a time.
At the beach, Jwoww hates on Sammi for having low self-esteem because she’s willing to take Ronnie back after all the wool he pulled over her eyes, figuratively speaking. (But didn't Jwoww’s boyfriend take her back after she cheated on him during season one? I don’t recall her telling her boyfriend that he had low self-esteem. To be clear, I am not a proponent of Sammi taking Ronnie back, just Jwoww shutting her mouth.)
(Another side note: Jwoww, I mean no disrespect. Please don’t beat me up.)
After a quick commercial break, Snooki, Jwoww and Angelina gather outside to talk about Sammi… again. When Snooki decides she can no longer live with the guilt of lying to Sam about the note, she sends Angelina inside to find her.
Sammi, however, is not happy that the girls sent Angelina inside to play messenger, so she doesn’t go. This prompts Jwoww to go off on her. I wish I could give you a word-for-word account of Jwoww’s monologue, but 95 percent of what was said would translate to [expletive] on CNN.com.
On another note, Vinny decided to see an optometrist about a pain in his eye. After having pinkeye during season one, he figured he should probably get it checked out sooner rather than later. Pauly D went with him for moral support.
“You know what I think it is,” Pauly D said. “Honestly, your eyebrows are so bushy that they collect so much more bacteria than normal eyes would.”
Later, at the club, The Situation spots a “blonde-headed girl.” They hit it off. (Surprise, surprise.) In the cab on the way home, The Situation said she showed him how smart she was. “The brains on that girl … she definitely went to college,” he said.
Then, the funniest part of last night’s episode:
Upon returning home, The Situation realized he wasn’t "ready to perform" just yet. “I’m like a Ferrari,” he said. “I’m high maintenance.” So he leaves his new friend in his bedroom and heads into the kitchen to make himself something to eat. After a fourth meal and a smoke, he heads back into his room. “Are you ready for this?” he asks.
Now, the tricky part…
How to kick the girl out, without actually kicking her out: “Um… so, um… I, ugh… I got a taxi for you, baby.”
“And that’s how you get ‘em out,” he boasts.
In the morning, Snooki calls her ex-boyfriend, the chef, to get a recipe for penne a la vodka. It’s the girls’ turn to make dinner.
When Snooki and Jwoww get home from the grocery store, Jwoww gets mad that Sammi isn’t pulling her weight in the kitchen. Sam then decides not to eat Jwoww’s pasta “on purpose” so as not to eliminate the tension.
Later, The Situation’s sister came over to visit her big brother… and his roommate Vinny, whom she became very well acquainted with when she visited during season one. Vinny put on his new bling, which he compared to Jwoww’s breasts - it’s not real but it looks good, or something like that - in preparation.
At the club, Vinny and Mini-Situation, as I’ve decided to name her, aren’t the only two who hit it off. The Situation makes a special friend of his own. Unfortunately for him, his friend turns out to be a transvestite. Moving on…
Angelina and Pauly D made-out in the cab on the way home, but only because Pauly is absolutely inebriated. We know this because his hair was out of place, and, like Ronnie said, Pauly’s hair is never out of place.
Upon returning home, Jwoww calls her boyfriend to say goodnight and mentions that Pauly D got drunk at the club. Angelina, the drama-magnet that she is, told the roommates Jwoww was talking smack about Pauly. Vinny, who happened to hear Jwoww’s conversation firsthand, calls Angelina out before telling Jwoww what was said about her. Good work, Vinny; you're responsible for what ensued.
In an effort to end the argument between Jwoww and Angelina, Sammi got in on the conversation, saying the pair should let it go. Bad move. In that moment, it’s as if Jwoww completely forgot about Angelina.
Long story short, Jwoww grabs Sam’s head and knocks her to the ground. The last thing we saw before the credits was Sammi getting up and charging at Jwoww with her fist at the ready. Why does Thursday have to be so far away?!
What did you think of last night’s episode?
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