January 21st, 2010
12:27 PM ET
Below are some of the Conan/Leno jokes from Wednesday's "Late Show with David Letterman," straight from the transcript:
"In southern California, it's pouring rain. It's one of those times of year in southern California when it's raining like crazy out there in Los Angeles, and there's flooding all over L.A., flooding everywhere. So I'm thinking to myself, 'Whoa, it's a good thing Conan O'Brien is getting sandbagged.' "
"Okay, here's what's going on: they've got the floods, they've got the mudslides, and, as usual, the only thing left standing is Jay Leno."
"Let me ask you this: in contractual negotiations, are you fascinated by legal detail? Listen to this: Conan O'Brien, he had 'The Tonight Show' and now he's leaving, and NBC is negotiating with him and it's that intellectual property – he can't take his signature comedy bits with him. But that's OK, Jay will take them."
"And they're saying, Conan O'Brien, bless his heart, gets $32 million to walk away from NBC, to leave NBC, and I was thinking, 'You know, when I left NBC, all I got was a restraining order.' "
"But things are starting to settle down now, and Jay, I guess, will be going back to 'The Tonight Show' at 11:35, and he's been off 'The Tonight Show' for seven, eight, nine months or something like that, so he's got to get back in shape. So he's spending an hour a day working out on the Chinmaster."
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