January 15th, 2010
09:44 AM ET

Transcript: "The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien" monologue, 1/14/2010

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At this point, it doesn’t look like the NBC jokes will ever cease. Conan O’Brien served up another helping in his opening monologue for “The Tonight Show.”

"Hi, I’m Conan O’Brien, NBC’s 'Employee of the Month.'

There’s a rumor that NBC is so upset with me, they want to keep me off the air for 3 years. My response to that is, if NBC doesn’t want people to see me, just leave me on NBC.

Time sure does fly. Do you realize that a baby born on the day we did our first “Tonight Show” is now a slightly larger baby? FULL POST

January 15th, 2010
09:39 AM ET

Transcript: "The Jay Leno Show" monologue, 1/14/2010

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Jay Leno didn’t harp on NBC’s troubles for long in his opening monologue for “The Jay Leno Show,” but he did manage to sneak in a punch aimed directly at Conan O’Brien before dropping the subject.

Here’s the transcript:

“Welcome to the new show, ‘I’m a celebrity, get me off NBC!’ FULL POST

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